its tough blogging with a heavy heart. u jus cant seem to find the right word for anything.

has been many days tat i wanted to blog something.. wanted to talk abt my sunday with my "ah bengs".. shopping.. my wishlist and presents to buy for my dearies.. lots n lots.. but guess today was pretty depressing for me to talk abt e happy stuffs. i'll update e happiness another time when i'm in e right mood.

well 1 of my dearie is in debts and i'm feeling the huge load in my heart too. reminds me of a similar incident few yrs back, when i lost someone dear to the wretched evil habit of gambling..

when it comes to money, u see the disgusting side of ppl u call "friends". unfortunate there's always some humans who jus turns nasty e moment money is concern. have seen enough cases of broken friendships due to money. why? being someone who will never ever fall out with friends on money issue, i simply cannot understand why anyone could give up friendship in the pursuit of money. i'm not born with a silver spoon in my mouth. its jus tat i've been taught human relationships are priceless.

limit. its a complicated thing. we always lose track of our limit. some ppl lose track of their ability to gamble. so when they lose, they double up their stake in hope of recovering their loss. in e midst they lost their senses too. tat's bullshit. i hate it. im not against gambling. once in a while i'd love a game of mahjong or for the sake of "fun" esp during CNY. but when u gamble beyond ur limit n wish to strike it rich overnight, buggers u can dream on. there's no free lunch in this world.

wat's my limit when it comes to helping a fren? i always haf e tendency to go overboard to share the loads of my love ones. i should remember the few lessons i've been through. the many times my money goes out n never comes back.. i should learn how to solve my own problems first before i meddle with others. i should use my brains a bit more.

i need more of my dearies to put me back on e right track. i cant jus go to the extreme all e time. not this time. much as i was tempted to get cash from my fren first to help my fren out, i guess i should not.. thou its verbally agreed he wont charge interest. then again there's no free lunch. n also i cant afford this personal favour. guess jeff is right when he reminded me abt limit. i appreciate it. i should retain more sanity.

much as it really hurts me to see a fren in trouble and i cant offer more to help, guess i'll haf to let life work itself out. for me, things always somehow manages to work itself out. the way always appears in front of me. i'd haf to pray things work out well for my buddy too.. keeping my fingers crossed things work out soon and definitely learn the lessons well and haf a clearer vision of who u can call ur frens n who's not.

oh n dont get me wrong. this whole issue revolves ard gambling. but i guess e relieve thing for me to know is tat my buddy ain't e one tat started this gambling shit. aiya complicated la. but i'd say if he's the one tat gets into trouble cos he gambled over his limit, i'll probably jus leave him to rot.

well trust is build over a long time while broken at a split second.. dont take friends for granted. dont break the trust they had in u cos once its broken, it'll never be mended. even forgiven, things will never be the same again.