Sleepless Monday

Its been an ultra happening monday.

Starting from the 1st hour of monday, i was outta house sacrificing all my sleep time to be there for 1 useless person who has been chased outta house. Now i think i've been freaking dumb to waste my time on a wasted person who ought to be gangbanged and castrated!

N Yes i wish somehow he gets to read this u bastard!

I hate the feeling of betrayal. Well no one likes it. Esp when u went outta ur way to help what u perceive as "damsel in distress".. giving ur time n emotion n $$ to try to make someone's life better, only to find out u've been a pawn in his fucking game, manipulated and toyed with. Blame myself for being over compassionate to e extence of gullible and dumb! *roll eyes* Nevertheless i wont let a creep turn me into someone of his breed.

Then again i mus thank this Bastard else i wouldn't have made quite a few new friends thru this episode of his soap opera drama mama.. Listen u bastard, ur friends became my friends, my supposed enemy became my friend as well. While u waste ur life away i'll be having good fun talking to my new friends. God is nice to compensate me cos he knew i helped u with my heart and u returned me with stabs all over my back. Thanks ah.. Thanks to u i've grown up a bit more yet again.. While u still carry on wallowing in self pity and preying on ur next victim.

BUT its ok.. its tuesday - a brand new day. Gotta move on and live my life else i'd be left behind in time with that bastard.

Its nice to feel energized and looking forward to life today.

Thanks to a new friend who makes me smile all day (despite the rude shock!) :)

Theoretically i should be very much zonked out by this time. I woke up rather early, went out for coffee, shopped a little, headed home to pack, went blading and shopping again till i got home jus pass 12.

Insomnia is damn irritating cos no matter how much u try to tire urself to sleep, u jus feel ur overworked body aches but ur mind keeps running on the limitless fuel. E more u work out, e more alert u are.

I hate e thought of entertaining guest(or rather anyone) when u're not in the best of moods. U gotta put on a fake front..

Its a good day out. Had dinner and drinks with a group of people i jus got to know. Its nice to meet people who shares the same passion and thinks along the same line. :)

Thanks to R.joseph i got to know these people. (Eh u'll be nicer if u dont bully me so much! :P)

My perspective of life - Life is unpredictable. Everyone is a unique individual because we're moulded by the environment we grow up, our culture, friends we mix with and values we've been induced since young. My life has been a sail and envyed by many before i turn 16. I worked hard for 'o' levels, secondary school was so much fun. My family is doing well. Bro jus got married and my nephew jus arrived to this world. Everyone lived together under the same roof, despite quarrels here and there, i remember i was happier.

Alot has happened and who i am today, unfortunate am still at a loss. But i'm moving on. Moving away from the depressive, drug reliant self. Another new stage of life is jus abt to unfold, i'm going to be engaged in voluntary work in a few days.. Its time i learn how to socialize effectively and make more new friends.

Every passing day made me realise the more i learn, the more i feel how little i know. I always thought i could decipher what's on a person's mind by reading their body language. Guess after meeting more n more people i realise i'm actually somewhat naive. Not everyone can be read like an open book. At times i actually thought if i'm not fully recovered yet. I still fumble at times when i walk the stairs. My concentration level is still as low as before. *haha*

I guess 1 of my biggest problem is looking back too much. Am i wallowing in self pity? Or am i jus unable to let go? Sometimes it does feel shitty to be in dilemma all the time. Making up my mind is a breeze for most, while a freaking chore to me.

My Wants - I'm glad to be able to differentiate my needs and wants better now. No more impulsive shopping n im so proud of myself. :D

When it comes to relationship, i kept thinking i'm very simple cos i'm jus like any other girl. Every relationship needs time and attention to make things work and grow. I want a companion who's willing to be interested in my passions and do things together with me. The perfect picture to me is to jus relax over coffee with a nice ambient, talk abt life and anything under the sun. We set a goal n achieve it together, we go travel and share our tears and woes. Similarly i'm willing to participate in his interest and passions. i'm game to learn new things and blend into his life. U've gotta be fun, sensitive, haf a big heart and yes pls groom urself well. Oh actually i'm pretty demanding after all. Hahaa...

I feel kinda emotional today. The fact that HE is so involved in his work to the extence i felt he's brainwashed, makes me think alot. Why is this person i thought i knew suddenly became someone i dont really know? I still cant get over the fact he knows he dont haf time for me n knows i'm being neglected but cant do anything abt it. Is it really that difficult to make me feel a bit better? Why didn't he make any attempt to save our relationship? I ever had the crazy thought of joining his work so that we'll somehow haf something in common and we'd be able to spend more time together. Am i nuts? Hahaa...

Dizzy Saturday

My head is spinning. My BP is so low today i thought i'd faint in bed. The ceiling starts spinning. I'm literally seeing stars...

I spent the pass few days giving my room a complete clean up. Threw away lots of old tutorial notes, old magazines and lots of old school junk. I guess i was too turned on to "throwing mood" that i conveniently dumped away my iPod cable unknowingly. Smart Huh..? Now its gonna be another hole to burn in my pathetic pocket.

I tried shifting my furnitures around my room, then discovered my pretty bookshelf is actually falling apart. Shaking so much i thought it'll crumble onto me. Tat's where my imagination goes wild. Ok back to reality. Now my coffeetable books are all over he floor while i await for the timely arrival of the right bookshelf..

Spring cleaning can be therapeutic. U find things u've forgotten, u clear away the stuffs yrs ago u thought u might have use for.. n the best part is the piles of letters and pictures that was left alone for years. Letters bring back lots of memories. I've always loved expressing myself through writing. Years later with e advancement of technology, most have switched to blogging and emails. The old days of writing snail mails were gone.. U cant imagine how creative we could be. I decorated every letter, i found cards with pictures attached, handmade birthday cards with dried flowers n stuffs.. It was filled with so much love.. Sometimes i do hate technology but damn! we jus cant live without it can we?

It feels queasy to read the old love letters.. *shy* Hahaa... Of cos it made me look back quite a bit, but this time only reminisce on e good old days. Sad memories were gone with the wind.. How beautiful to realise without any 1 of them, life wouldn't haf been colorful despite e pains of parting..

Memories are beautiful. Always.
And promises aren't meant to be broken..

...Re-think...


Had been reading this book - Rethink. Very interesting thinking through the thinking process of the human mind. No its not as dry as i sound.. Its abt thinking creatively towards our work and managing our daily life.

I'm too tired to blog now.. Gonna catch some sleep b4 i head out again 2nite.

Hmm.. suddenly it feels wierd to get all my work over n done with. Back to my stagnent life again, oh gosh...

The happy Blog

Yes yes.. I did get to blade last saturday. But i suck man... After abt 6 months, i felt like i'm a beginner all over again. Not that i was any pro before that, but its much much much worse than previous. U go imagine how bad that is.. haha..

Was working since monday with June @ this unknown IT company doing data entry. Boring job. But we manage to find "job satisfaction". haha.. We wonder if there anything like a Professional Contestant. The kinda people who fills up lucky draw coupons as a living? I wont be surprised anymore there they do exist. There are so many people who has hidden artistic talents too. The way they write, its either they all aspire to be doctors, or they plainly took entry coupons as painting canvas. So amazing. Oh oh.. n know wat's e best? Some people leave all contact details out and checked the "I want to receive news updates" box. Sooooo smart huh?? I told u its good fun laughing at wierd people....

Well on tuesday, elaine bought me my birthday present.. A dusty pink shrug from MNG. i love it! Thanks babe... :)

tat's all folks.. make do with this good news cos i'm pretty sure e next will be a long time for now.