Ultra cool Ads... *I LOVE MAC*! (no offence windows!)

Specially post a seperate entry for this.. cos i wanna thank my dearest Elaine for spending time with me tonight, despite her crazy hours in school.. n in the midst of her financial "drought"..

Last night has been most emotional for me since start of 07. Found myself shivering in fear, tearing non-stop and i wont stop hyperventilating.. Even after i calmed myself down, tears still wont stop n i end up going to sleep on a wet pillow. Thankfully cos of insomnia past few nights, n after so much crying n hyperventilating, i slept like a baby till noon today.

Frankly if anyone know me well enough, one of the only person who has enough impact to make me cry this hard and set me in so much fear is none other than my mum..

I spent the moments before i sleep thinking what are the things i can do to help my family and prevent it from breaking apart. Frankly i know unless i cant improve my mum's character, the man who has supported her through their over 34 yrs of marriage might just come to an end. It's like on a thin line, on the verge of breaking. And if this man, known to me as the man i respect most on earth, were to let go, i would still perfectly understand why and how much he has gone through.

So i spent my afternoon at coffeebeans with my laptop, googling all possible alternative therapy i could seek to save my family. It's a tough to talk abt why i'm seeking such therapy..

It's always the case when it comes to my mum's issue. It's so complex and long i cannot bring myself to explain (even in short) clearly what's happening. So the only person i find comfort in understanding the situation is my sis. When it comes to issues like this, dont we all just wanna talk to the ppl we just need to talk abt it 50% and she gets the rest of the story.. So i never liked talking abt it.

ANYWAY.. dear elaine.. thanks for being there for me, just to have a comforting dinner of fish steamboat. The shopping part was such an added bonus! Cheers me up completely... Thought coming back home was like walking into a minefield once again, ur presence to be with me made so much a difference.. *BIG HUG*

:: Shopping time! ::I got a surprise buy just now after dinner with elaine! It was just a short walk cos was already 930pm, jus wanna walk a little to digest our very delicious dinner.. then i managed to bag this dress at a price almost too hard to believe. Hehee...

Picture kinda not do justice to the pretty dress.. but i love it anyway. The centre black portion actually has gatherings and in satin-like material. So in case i dont have money to shop for new clothes this Chinese New Year, I'll wear this to visiting.. :D

Yesterday i was at the new shopping complex, Central, and it's definitely a shopping heaven! Esp so now cos it's new n still pretty empty during off peak hours. Any ladies passing by mus drop by take a look...

Today is the worst day since the start of 2007.

RK house is where i always go for prata at serangoon gardens!! Lolz.. Enjoy this..

::Warning::
Please never try doing this or risk kena slam like a roti prata!

It's funny how in the span our couple of hours that i experience so much happiness and so much sadness at the same time.

Today is the big day of my good friend Ching.. visited her at her suite in the hotel but didn't stay for the dinner cause our common friend weren't there n it's kinda wierd i'm alone. Feels bad i didn't stay, but on the other hand i am so happy for her being happily married and in bliss now..

After she head down to entertain her guest, i headed over to fisherman's wharf for Adeline's birthday dinner with her church mates.. Great food, Great fun! Now i shall wait for her to mail me the pictures we took.

Drinks came after dinner.. we were @ Kandi Bar, at The Cannery.. nice place.. nice shots of Sex on the Beach.. of course great company there with none other than my girly girlfriends... Let pictures do e talking.


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and here comes the sad part that is keeping me awake..

Someone i looked up upon to as a superwoman.. she juggles work n studies n has a young kid n husband to take care of. She's always smiley, never frows a brow.. Somehow her seemingly happy marriage is falling apart. It came as a rude shock to everyone, even me. I'm really upset such a nice lady has to go through such a rough patch in her life. I just hope she will be strong enough to pull through this test.


It's kinda emotional for me cos in 1 day i witness my good friend happily getting married.. then during drinks we girls were talking abt who's gonna get married first, who's enjoying singlehood.. from my UPs to the DOWNs... I'm really sad for her n hope everything works out well.

My dear friends pls pls pls.. spread the love and include my dear friend in ur prayer list. She is a very devoted catholic and an extremely nice lady, very simple, kind and sweet. Pls do ask me personally for her name so we can all pray for her n i really hope all goes well..

I really wish everyone ard me be happy..

Here comes the weekend again..
So wat's up this weekend? Friend's wedding dinner tomorrow.. n maybe celebrating Ade's birthday.. Sunday's my usual - great world city groceries shopping and bringing mum to massage at club street.. Not exactly exciting ya? Hmm...

Next week is like a brand new phase for me. My freelance work comes to an end this week. So has classes for Term 2. After this it's full fledge assignment time.. i better start hunting for a job actively or risk going hungry next month. (oh then again it's CNY next month so i'm still living till maybe end of Feb...*evil grinz*) Yes i hear my bunnies protesting as well. 2 mouths to feed.. i gotta work hard u know? Lolz..

Today i "rewarded" myself. Went on a shopping spree.. bagged a pair of heels, a camisole and a shirt. Everything for below $100. I'm still within control ya? Hopefully.. *crossing fingers n toes* i dont get a rude shock on sunday again.. Oh ya! i did pedicure yesterday too. *wicked grin*

I have a relatively important agenda for next week.. That is to pack and return His stuffs. I promised myself i will do it next wk and after that then can i say everything's over and done with forever.

It actually takes tonnes of courage to just put some clothes into a paper bag and deliver it to a destination.. Funny isn't it? Human's psychology never fails to fascinate me..

Raymond sent this video to me yesterday. Had a real good laugh.. Somehow it reminds me of the cheapskate stop motions i used to watch when i was a kid. Except this is lamer. Haha... Enjoy!

Apparently it's just not my day.

As usual, couldn't sleep until dawn.. by the time i woke up it was 1pm. Felt my tummy rumbling but i just dont have much appetite. Barely ate a little of e lunch my dad bought. Felt i wasted his effort. Feeling really tired and unwell today. But i still kept to the agenda, brought my mum out, bought the cake for Ade's surprise dinner then made my way to Grapevine after sending mum home.

Thanks raymond, u noticed my change of mood, n thanks for ur concern. All the best for ur driving tomorrow i will pray for u. As for why my mood changed, there ain't much point to talk abt it. My weekend was suppose to be great.

Tabulated my expenses for this week, n i'm shocked it accounted to almost $400! Gosh.. for 1 week?? Frankly i did not do any shopping, plus drinking session last week and dinner/movie last night i didn't even pay.. So where did my money gone? Mostly on cab n food.. *big sigh*

Another upsetting thing was i noticed my new pillowcase is stained red. Racked my brains quite a bit before i realised it was caused i went to sleep before my hair dries last night.. thus the stain from the run of my red highlights.. ARGH! I'm pretty sure it's hard to remove it. There goes my very pretty n expensive new bedsheets i bought for the new year! *yet another big sigh*

There are so many stuffs on my wishlist. I wanna get a new bag that can carry my laptop n textbooks together on a shoulder bag.. i need new pairs of shoes that will not give me blisters.. n i have wedding dinner to attend this weekend.. then i have jeekhen's present to buy PLUS he already announced dinner's gonna be at Black Angus.. expensive taste! But once a year la.. *sigh sigh sigh* So now what? I NEED MONEY!!!

Last night i caught the much talked about abd highly anticipated "One Last Dance".. Hmm.. I'd just say the lines are a little too complex for me to absorb completely. Or maybe i spent more than half the time analysing the scenes, looking at the artistic directions instead.. Call this “职业病”.

Realise these days my friends (other than buddies) are treating me like "little girl". hehe.. n this is actually not a bad thing. Since my buddies never treat me that way! hahaa..

Talking abt the money issue. This month wat makes me broke is the unlimted angbaos i've been giving out. Weddings.. Babies.. Oh Gosh.. n birthday of 2 buddies back to back. Kinda crazy. N cos of the wet weather, i've been calling cabs.. So i've been eating alot more instant noodles than usual.. zzz..

Has been some time since i had a drink. Ok it was about less than 2 weeks ago. But that was at Happy Daze.. so not counted la. Haha...

It was the last day of seminar for first module of 2007. So it calls for celebration.. or rather we it wasn't even planned. Blame the new campus to be too near emerald hill.. :P

It was a rainy evening, but it turned out to be a pretty fantastic night after all. After dinner with 1 grp of people, hopped over to have drinks with another. Thank God i feel like i still have a social life to talk about. Earlier on i just didn't feel like socialising so much..

Boss of I.C.B was kinda cheeky. It was like an art of fending "wolves" off. Managed to get 2 rounds of free drinks cos i just know how to make a fuss. hahaa...

I'm starting to like my classmates even more, cos there are so many small different groups of poeple. As usual i get along better with people "less younger" than me. They are generally more motivated cos they already found what they want in life.. they know how to live life to the max.. know how to balance life and work well. I wanna be like that too!

This week my social life seems to be exceptionally busy. Tomorrow i'm meetin 1 of my girlfriend to catch up.. Saturday i'll be catching "One Last Dance" with a friend i haven met for long too.. Abt 2 yrs to be exact. Haha... Sunday I'm attending a surprise party for a special someone.. Shan't reveal too much for now. ;)

The time now, is 6:01am.

Barely 2 hours after i went to bed.

I blame myself for being a super light sleeper. Got woken up by a ruffling sound, typically made by plastic bags. It's quite soft, but consistent. It went on for a while, so i got up and checked it out.

After the lights came on, i discovered TO MY HORROR, there is a lizard in the plastic bag that was wrapping the limeade that accompanied my McDonald's supper just hours ago. Frankly i'm not sure how it got in. It has to be its slimy body that help sneaked its way through the almost invisible opening. There was a knot to it.

Trust me i stood there for about 15 minutes, which felt like 15 hours, fighting a battle.

No, not with the lizard. I was fighing with myself.


Instinctively, anyone would have grabbed the "now contaminated item" quickly to get rid of it. But my phobia for that dreaded thing is soooooo huge, even typing the 6 letter word gives me the creeps! So i just stood there staring at the plastic bag that still gives the ocassional ruffling sound.. while my mind kept churning ideas how to get rid of it without contact.

Alas! All plans failed. So i turned to the impossible failure method - A LIZARD EXTERMINATOR~!

Actually no la. I just ask my maid to remove it from the room. :P That is with me standing outside my room, about 6m far away. Just in case the "thingy" somehow pop out and drops on the floor or something.. well prevention is always better than cure!

And that is how much phobia i have once again stressing...

Now i am completely awake cos my heart was pounding so fast just now i could almost feel the adrenaline rush! Sometimes not even men make me feel that way.

Wuahahaa... Not that i EVER wanna feel excited this way pls..

Oh what a way to start my day.. No more (bad) surprises pls. Little miss here cant take more!

It was yet another sleepless night. This time it was due to the mocha i had in night class. But i guess it was quite a fruitful session, talking to myself about myself. No i haven gone mad. It was almost like a journey of self discovery. I feel awaken spiritually and emotionally.

Some issues i've tackled..

about :: Generosity ::
I'm not too sure how i come abt this. But i realise generosity isn't about rewarding yourself after working hard.. isn't abt giving treats to ur family and friends.. It's about giving 101% of yourself when someone needs u. I dont feel i lack this factor cos when it comes to the people ard me, i hope u do feel i really do whatever that i can when anyone needs any help. But sometimes i just lack the motivation to be generous to myself. In this aspect i mean i should learn to let go n embrace a happier me...

about :: Letting Go ::
Somehow i found the energy and courage to tell myself it is time to let go. I learn to be thankful for the chance to get to know the people who came into my life, instead of lamenting about their departure. This not only applies to love, but friendship too.

The process of falling for that someone was long and tedious. Perhaps we just weren't meant to be, but God decided to reward me for doing so much and waited so patiently, he decided to spark things up and give us a chance. I was already rewarded once. Things didn't work out bcos it jus wasn't meant to be. I should look forward to the chance to see him again and tell him i am thankful i ever had him in my life to walk through the toughest part of life instead of trying to get back to a relationship tat has already proven not to work. So now i look forward to the day i mug up enough courage to return his clothes and tell him i've let go, moved on, but still wanna be his friend.. Friendship is so precious isn't it?

Similarly for Andreas.. hope u're reading this. I guess to u all this will perhaps be bullshit. n it will remain jus words until the day u make sense of them urself. Perhaps to the eyes of my friends, i did not do wrong n have already did a great part by letting u stay at my place long enough. But i know i did u a big wrong and perhaps even betrayed u emotionally cos throughout u know i just couldn't let my past baggage down. I am sorry for this.. But really there isn't fair or not fair.. cos u haven been entirely honest.. and we just couldn't get along isn't it? Instead of staying together and quarrel every other day, isn't it better to be able to still meet once in a while n talk nice n politely to each other about how we're getting on.. I just hope u're getting on well.

The departure of a friend last year was pretty shocking to me cos it occures to me 1 day should someone dear to me (like my parent) leaves me.. how am i gonna be able to comprehand the loss? I know given my nature, i won't be able to take a sudden loss. So i try to prepare myself emotionally n spiritually.. It is not the amount of time we have together that matters, but to treasure each other's presence while we have each other. When we finish our duty here, we all move on to another place.. For better or worse, lets embrace the presence and stop worrying about the unknown future..

about :: Religion ::
I believe no matter wat religion we choose to adopt, all religion's teachings are great. The similarity btw all religion is we all pray to our respective Gods for peace in the heart.. wellness for our family and loved ones.. We pray for spiritual support when we feel we are breaking down. Sometimes we feel our prayers are not answered. But at times after a period of time we look back, we realise somehow God do have a plan for us. Like the story about the man walking along the beach and discovering only 1 set of footprints in the sand.. Believe God walks through with us and we're never alone..

I've been trying to eat less meat, pray and chant every night before i sleep.. n i feel more spiritually empowered to get on with life as a better person. Perhaps not for everyone, but guess its my nature, sometimes i insist i'm always right. When i think i'm right its pretty hard to change my mindset. But recently i feel there are so many things wrong about me. I'm not trying to be a perfectionist n definitely not trying to be a saint. But i identify it is our duty to correct our bad habits once we identify it. We should learn to let go of our past and keep motivating ourselves to be better people.. be it to return the favour to our parents or just for ourselves.. we just should. isn't it?

Today though the weather is wet and can be depressing, i seem to feel lighter and more at ease.. I feel i'm getting happier and living a more fulfilled life day after day.

My supposed not too fantastic monday turned out to be pretty ok...


I decided to color my hair today and gave it bright red highlights to contrast with my jet black hair. Picture does not do the red justice.. but chin chai la.. wat u expect from my pretty dim room? :P

Perhaps the (Red) brought me some good luck. Haha.. My class tonight was pretty enjoyable. Lecturer was engaging and made "Reporting for media" interesting instead of dry.

I got home and decided it was time to make some constructive changes to my life. Week 2 of 2007. I started a financial and an "eating habits" logbook. Financial, needless to say its to monitor my financial health. While "eating habits" one lets me find out what kinda junk i've been eating everyday.. n hopefully once i identify with the bad habits i can kick them and be more watchful abt wat i eat.. Realise its high time we live a healthier life. When we're physically well, we'll have more energy to accomplish the goals we set for our life.

Perhaps this is also a calling for me to move on big time! There are so much assignments piling up. Have alot to read and write.. apart from that i realise the need to be healthy and take better care of myself before i feel i am capable of other things. If one cannot even take good care of him/herself, how would others trust them to be capable for bigger responsibilities isn't it?

Hopefully as i slowly make an effort to adjust my life to the right track, i will be able to get a nice job by end of feb/march.. I'm gonna stop receiving royalties from feb.. so i better start getting a freelance position soon.

Going back to class and meeting my very motivated classmates does help to set me on track. One need to set goals in their life to live a meaningful life. I've been trying to take baby steps in making my life a better one.


*A pat on my back* I've been on track for my "religious regime" - less meat, more meditation.. ;)

es·cap·ism
-noun
the avoidance of reality by absorption of the mind in entertainment or in an imaginative situation, activity, etc.

Am i in the state of escapism?

I woke up feeling completely drained out. When the alarm went off at 10am, i dragged myself out of the blanket, got it offed, placed my phone next to me, and went back to sleep. Bcos my deep sleep was distrupted, i drifted off to dreamland.

At dreamland, i seem to be completely awake actually. I knew i was dreaming. But i simply didn't wanna wake up. I even thought i felt painful.. then i thought maybe i wasn't dreaming after all.. Week 2 of 07 seemed to start quite unsmoothly. Certainly hope tonight's class not be too much a nightmare. n maybe meeting up with my highly motivated classmates i'd be more motivated to work harder...

This is so farnie..!! Carry on watching the new video too.. Another farnie ad..


- video powered by Metacafe




Cheating Wife - video powered by Metacafe

Today i am sick. Had insomnia last night. So bad i stared at the ceiling all the way till 6am. As expected i woke up with a high fever.. 40degrees. I thought i was gonna be retarded or something..

The best part is when my fever subside, i decided to go for a massage. End up the new lady injure my left toe. So bad now i cant walk n gotta lie in bed. It sucks man..

Spoke to my sis last night about our friend jane.. Jane helped me a great deal when i was depressed last year. She is a very talented woman, one of the big names in the advertising scene in the region. I look up to her a great deal.. Apparently things aren't well for her. But eventually our conversation shifted to me.. my problems..

Somehow was pretty emotional last night cos of the pressing work pressure.. I told her i wish there is someone i could talk to.. Someone i can connect with spiritually and enlighten me. Actually the simple problem with me is i have a problem letting go. Not stubborn. But 执着(zhi zhuo).. simply cannot let go, keep holding on. I'm learning the art of letting go. I know i can let go of anger n hatred. Cos i've been enlighten there is no point being angry and hating anything or anyone. Instead learn to appreciate the good things in life and rejoice over them. Someone enlighten me to stop worrying and stop holding on to history. It's like i know all the theories.. but doing it is another thing. I feel trapped cos i cant decide..

我不想在人生的尽头一片空白。却更不想有遗憾。

Today i woke up with great inspirations. I'm heading to the temple. Told myself to finish my work today and start next week afresh. I went "meat-less" yesterday because i forgot to do so on wednesday. Was still enjoying KFC with raymond n jeekhen. SINFUL! So i must make it up these few days..

I will remember to bring my planner ard with me. oh n my lomo too.

Time is 3:15am. The first 3 hours of 2007 has been pretty productive. I started penning my brand new planner and i'm alarmed to realise my january is pretty packed! School is starting on the 8th. That means i better start doing my readers this week or i risk making a blunder for my seminars like i did for my previous modules. I must work harder this year!

I spent several final days of 2006 thinking what kinda changes i wanna make in 2007 to make my life more meaningful and enriching. I have millions of random thoughts, all to make myself better. That goes to show how imperfect i am! No i'm not aiming for perfection. But i'm sure there is room for improvement. Alota room i mean... So just before i turn in for the first time in 2007, let me pen down as much as possible my new year resolutions... Enjoy.

:: MY REMINDERS ::
... instill more discipline into myself.
... sleep and wake up earlier.
... stick to my daily agendas.
... stick to my skincare regime religiously.
... be more cautious with my money.
... be more conscious of my eating habits. (more veggies, more fish, less meat)
... remember to go vegetarian on every 初一十五
... drink less coffee (i'm getting addicted..)
... be more firm with my stand.
... learn to be more decisive.
... not give up so easily!
... be more positive!
... extend my attention span.
... read more books and newspapers.
... spend more time with my bunnies.
... learn to differentiate my needs and wants.


:: MY GOALS ::
... complete my BA successfully. (and graduate in 2008)
... backpack somewhere at least once. (regional not counted.)
... go for painting lessons.
... design and paint my room.
... train and complete my first half marathon.
... make a profit from my tiny business.


:: MY PRAYERS ::
... my mum's condition remain stable.
... my family and loved ones be safe, happy and in good health.
... have less natural disasters to distrupt our lives.
... everyday, less children goes to bed hungry.




...Some messages...
I want my best friends to know i love u all.. Elaine, June, Cindy, Adeline, Raymond and JeeKhen. (Names not in order.)
Past 2 years has been very bumpy. Thanks for riding it through with me, believing in me always, accepting me unconditionally... I know i really should look forward because there is so much awaiting for me to complete in my life. I promise to try to put the past down and move on to the doors that await me. Frankly i felt i've let u guys down in a way or another.. I've been wanting to tell u guys this, but never really got the chance. And by the time comes, all the issues have already passed.. So i just want u guys to know, i never stop loving anyone of u cos u guys make up a huge part of my life. Thanks for everything n i look forward to being there for each of u for every ocassion, be it joyous or teary.. i promise.