Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Why is life sometimes so difficult and tiring?
I am completely drained out already. Dont feel like doing anything or going anywhere.. I rot my wednesday away. Or rather i felt like my whole life is rotting..
It seems like i'm a real horrible ogre. I am self centered, everything is about me me me.. Suddenly i am a selfish bitch. I never contributed, never give anything.. Everything i did suddenly became wrong. What is really wrong with me?
7:40 PM
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Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Tuesday turned out to be downright shitty. Like a thousand times worse.
The morning started bright and early at 730am. Woke up and made my way to laine's place.. i got my hair done, i tried to cover a bit of my readings but i succumb to her cableTV's vicious channel 55.
Day started turning real shitty after i got home bcos i am freaking tired. Had a bad night tossing and turning.. I gotta admit i was even tempted to tell elaine i'm not going over today. So the moment i got home, i gobbled lunch and collapse in bed without even changing. *YUCKS* (tat's how freaking tired i am!)
Today my inner soul hit me in the butt n told me its time i get alive n start living A LIFE. time to stop procrastinating.. time to do the right things.. time to focus on my work n stop spending time arguing on shitty things.
11:48 PM
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Monday, November 27, 2006
I know I should be clearing the pile of work that is stacking sky high.. But i cant help it that my mind starts wondering all over the place.
I am so tired today. Cant wake up on time again.. I cant help but feel agitated when my agenda for e day gets affected by unforeseen circumstances. Like my sixth sense is telling me now i'm gonna accomplish nothing for today.
I think i'm too intoxicated by coffee. Every now and then i feel my heart pumping faster and harder than usual. Then my head feels light.. *shake shake* I should quit caffeine.
These days I'm on the topic about myself. Ok at times i think all the time its about me myself and i. But i cant always live for others, can i? At least recent months i feel better when i start thinking and doing things for myself.. following my heart and listening to myself n myself only. Perhaps i've learnt the term "selfish" better now. For good or for bad? I suppose there's no answer to that.
1:05 PM
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Thursday, November 23, 2006
It's another demoralising night for me.
Rhetorics paper got sent back the second time bcos there is still inadequent referencing... Can u believe it? Marker has indeed be generous enough not to fail me straight. But i feel i'm doing such a lousy job. i mus buck up!
Media paper came back jus now when i check the mail. The comment i got was pretty good, EXCEPT for my grammatical errors.. U should see the "reds" in my document... *feeling faint* Here's the grading system:
High distinction: 85 abv
Distinction: 75 - 84
Credit: 65 - 74
P1: 55 - 64
P2: 50 - 54
I merely got a P1.. *sobzzz* I was hoping I'd at least get a credit for a paper i am confident of. Sighh...
Moral of the lesson is.. There cannot be any "lets jus get it over and done with" attitude. Bcos no matter how small e weightage is, eventually it is going to reflect on my own result slip. What u reap is what u sow. U need to work doubly hard bcos things aren't as easy as secondary school anymore. Esp in an Arts course, everything is subjective. No hard and fast rules. The distinctions jus gets harder and harder to attain... There is no time to slack n bump ard!
12:37 AM
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Tuesday, November 21, 2006
I woke up with big plans today! It started with the plans June n i made to bring back german smokers to sell online for this christmas.. Don't we all have big plans to start a little business we call our own? I want a pretty site that is easy to maintain (bcos i am a noob when it comes to web maintanence).. A site that sells stuff so pretty u cant resist u just have to buy it! I so lookforward to the day my site pays me enough to allow me to travel around to source for my supplies and present to my customers even more pretty stuff!
I really wish i have the money to fly to UK now to do my christmas shopping!
Photos courtesy of JuneDo you sense the Christmas mood now?? Bcos as we gets older, there seem to be less time for friends and loved ones. Christmas is a great time to remind everyone u're still ard n loving them. Life sometimes jus gets too practical we forgot to appreciate the beautiful things around us. So its time to get pretty n start living life well! :D
3:28 PM
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I tossed and turned in bed, so i got up. Next thing i know, da bomb dropped. I need to rewrite my first essay for my Rhetorics module... ARGHHHH.....
I feel upset cos its jus the first term and i'm already on the list for resubmission. It's kinda depressing and unmotivating since i'm doing a part time course on a full time basis, and yet i cant manage. How do i get myself a job? :(
The evening at the gym was pretty unpleasant. I knew bad things just dont end there. Now that i have more work on the waiting list to be cleared.. It's gonna be a restless night again. *BIG sigh...*
1:36 AM
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Monday, November 20, 2006
Suddenly I am overwhelmed with this urge to scream, "I WANNA GET MARRIED!". Haha....
Oh well any takers? ;)
Sometimes life is so boring i wish i have a rich husband who has to work all the time, BUT knows how to enjoy life. So once in a couple of months we will travel to some exotic island to suntan and swim with dolphins or shop the whole Milan down... While he slog his guts out at work i have all the private space to myself to go to gym, have afternoon teas and do shopping. Once in a while when i get bored i pick up painting or sculpture from artists.. Then hold my art exhibition even when i'm not tat artistic, publish my own book even if its rubbish.. all bcos money ain't an issue. Hahaa.... I'm so evil rite. :P
Ok quit dreaming girl. *shake head*
5:09 PM
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Here is my new blogskin... Spent e whole night editing e graphics. Finally set up my new shoutbox.. Keep shouting people! :D
I have been reading a travel journal recently.. Its by Elizabeth Gilbert, a new york author. Divorce, depression, failed love... All this written in a critically humorous writing style. Its a great inspirational book i relate to very well, esp e episodes of pre-depression thoughts and emotions.
It took me some time before i laid my hands on this novel with this cover. Its available in another cover which i dont really like. This color scheme is very much ME.. i love it to bits that i got corner protectors for this book. Anyone seeking comfort? or jus wanna be inspired to travel? Pick this up at Times bookstore, Plaza Singapura. (Needn't try Borders or Kinokuniya cos its sold out and stocks only comes in early 2007.)
12:53 PM
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Friday, November 17, 2006
Its a nice way to start your friday morning with a cuppa vanilla latte and indulge in a great book even thou there's a pile of work right in front of you but u simply dont care. Simply because it's friday.
Junie baby has finally gotten a blog n i think her blogskin is so nice... then it struck me its time for me to change mine cos its seem kinda dark. Its time to make a conscious effort to add some colors to my life. ;)
This week has been somewhat fulfilling. Overall i feel a little spiritually recharged and cleared a tiny bit of work off hand. Sitting by the window at Starbucks United Sq, once again.. This place is great for chill out and work. I love this place bcos it is so therapeutic to sit by the window tat overlooks a manmade waterfall and has lots of natural light in my favourite cosy corner. The best feature attached is a powerpoint for my laptop.
Early this year when i was depressed, there was endless amount of writings done here. Then suddenly i stopped writing when i was recovering from the loss of the love of my life. There jus doesn't seem so much to talk abt anymore. Or maybe no amount of talking will bring him back. This is also the place i buck up enough courage to text him goodbye.. also the place we spent some good evenings having coffee and jus spending quality time together. The good old days are jus beautiful.
Perhaps experiencing the loss of a nice guy last week kinda woke me up and set me in place a little. I realise we have to treasure whatever time we have here in this place with our loved ones.. Be it at times they jus piss the hell outta u, the time we have together ticks by every second and u jus never know when's we're seperating. There really isn't much time to mourn the loss and live in the past. There is jus so much ahead in life for me to look out for.
I've always felt lost abt my life. But this journey of seeking the right path and charging my spiritual health empowers me and assures me when i finally know what i want, i will charge on without looking back.. I'm looking forward to that. And for now i'll try my best to love everyone around me more. There is no time for regrets in life.
11:07 AM
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Thursday, November 16, 2006
It's jus one of those days i feel extremely sluggish. I'm worn out and aching from last night's yoga class. Guess yoga jus ain't for me. I always feel real bad after practising it.
Or perhaps i've strained myself too much. Was out half the day at starbucks, working on my thesis.. head to the gym, did the threadmill a bit before yoga at 830pm. by the time i got home, my brain was already fried. i thought i'd feel better n be able to concentrate today. Nah.. I jus dont feel like doing anything and even feel a little down. *sheezzz...*
Sis says 2007 will be good for me. According to some readings, she says I'll be in the pink of health and have lots of luck in love. OH MAN... pls pls pls i really jus wanna get thru the next year without love. Its such a pain.. let me take a break.. zzz... love has proven to be so much pain and too much a mental torment. I seriously can live better without it. Ok.. at least for a short period of time. I'm still a sucker for love. Yet at times love whip me upside down, crushes me and bruises me i'm turning black.. ANYWAY, being in the pink of health is great news.
3:21 PM
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Friday, November 10, 2006
1 paper down. I'm left with 4 papers. 4 major papers. 2 of them very major.
Its been a long day for me. Woke up early to work on my essay so that i can send it in on time, by 5pm. Since its over and done with, its history so how i fare, at this instance, is not important.
After submitting paper at 4pm, i was too overwhelmed by happiness i knew i had to get out! Unfortunately no one was free to meet me, so i packed and headed to gym. I'm proud of my workout today. Despite i only had almost 4 hrs of sleep, i still feel energetic after i get home. My supplements have prove to work well. ~lol~!
Actually i have quite a fair bit of things i wanted to do. 1 of them is to write a letter and save it somewhere.. update it periodically.. so that if i die suddenly 1 day, i wont leave this place with regrets. but right now i'm jus too tired to start so i'll leave till tmr.
Somehow today i feel a sense of peace right after i finish my essay. It feels good, perhaps my workout released endophines. I'll jus say a little prayer and have an early night.
Its a brand new day when i wake up.
11:08 PM
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Wednesday, November 01, 2006
my nightmare has jus started.
i'm starting on my essays already. first dateline to meet is 2 days from now. next friday i have a paper to submit too. haven been able to get proper sleep. heart has been palpitating alot recently. i guess its the effect of stress.. cant remember how many times i got awaken last nite. i'm up since 545am today and started studying at abt 7am.. headed to NUS to help lainey's fren do some stuffs n mug on my papers. i'm worn out by 6pm.
i'm so tired i thought e moment i plonked on the bed, i'd drift to lalaland.. yet my mind's cant seem to stop for a sec. this is highly disturbing.
i've been having alot of dreams these days. for 2 consecutive nights, i dreamt of him.. dreamt of him lying next to me. i thought i could almost feel his presence. i opened my eyes only to find myself sitting face to face with the dark of the night... i miss him so much.
has been countless times i fight back the urge to ask how's things, to jus say hi, to tell him i miss him so.. yet i guess i've lost the rights. to let go or not.. i still cant decide. i know i have to, but i dont want to. i still wanna linger ard e same spot... still...
11:47 PM
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