Jibberish

My mobile woke me up this morning when I'm deep in my sleep, indulging in my dream..

Plucked my eyes open, cleared my throat.. The call turned out to be some dumb credit card company phone spam. Damn it.

Next thing I know, I felt the stabbing pain in my heart. Again.
I dreamt of him, once again..

Dreamt that we're back together. Guess tat's wat dreams are all about. They are unreal. And in this case, I am jus visualizing something I really want, but it is impossible to happen anyway. Wait. There's a word for it. They call it "Fantasy".

Oh man.. trust me. I really hate it. This always happens when I'm stressed up.. Had at least 3 sleepless nights in the past week. My body is getting cranky. Even my period came twice a month! What's really going on...

ZZZzzzzzz......

I'm da Silly Goose..

My Aussie client says she endorsed quotation and had faxed back to us. But we did not receive.

I told Austin to email client and cite fax number with country code, just in case..

When mail was CC to me, i almost fainted. Austin gave her a wrong fax number. Even on the set of quotation, the number is wrong.

I thought he was a blur cock..

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Until he replied me, "But I took the number from YOUR namecard..."

Yes, I've made a mistake on my own namecard.

You can imagine the amount of killer stares and abused hurled at me when he gets to office. Hur hur hur...

I'm da big big blur cock silly goose here...

Black Monday Random

Perhaps I held too much hopes of having a great Monday. It turned out to be exceptionally sucky. So I spent the morning google-ing for a strong dose of positivity to kick start my day..

Sometimes I wonder when I can figure out the right formula to work with.. When I apply the same set of rules I apply to life, to my work, the effects are often bittersweet. Sometimes people appreciate my 'give and take'.. And when a situation occur, it becomes a weakness that vicious biz associates use against me.

Oh this world is such a stereotype.. I thought I could break away from office politics. Then again I'm still facing it when I am working on my own..

:: Other Random Stuffs.. ::

Do you have a secret desire? Come on, face it. Everyone has some things they secretly want to have or want to do..

I dont think I've told anyone this, but actually I've been secretly wanting to be able to dance ballet since I was a kid.

Now go imagine Claudia in the pretty pink, body hugging, ballerina dress.. Or whatever u call it. I hope u have had a good laugh.. :P

A very WRONG day.

I had an earlier post that was posted when I got to office this morning at ard 730am. Shall summarize the the entire wrong day.. I should have already expected some big bomb will drop. The earlier events were more like a warning to me.

• Last nite, left office @ 630pm to get a quick dinner with Austin at coffeeshop below office. We shut the roller shutter, assuming Austin has his set of keys.. We got locked out of office. We head back my place to get the spare keys. We got back at past 9pm.
  

• Got home around midnight. I sort my finances out, realised I am in the reds. I begain having insomnia. My heart was racing, random thoughts were running in my head. I need to figure how to get 2K to settle my outstanding bills. At present I am down to my last 40 bucks.
  

• So if i wanna get a loan from dad, the question is how much? Will it eventually become a vicious bad debts cycle? How do I break through this financial crisis?

• Since I cant get to sleep, I got changed at 6am and heads to take a bus to office. A mad man was sitting adjacent to me, and it's the second time I bumped into him on bus service 58. Tat's not the best way to start a day.

• Grabbed black coffee from coffeeshop, and I spilled some onto my suede bag.
  

After a series of unfortunate events, I received some sweet news from work. I made a good decision, and a new job came in. Though it's nothing great, but I need the money desperately. I thought i'm about to break away from the bad day.

False hopes.

Some really horrible event took place when I got back to office. Was caught between a lover's quarrel. Things got pretty nasty. I am bloody drained out. Am I'm grumpy - only 20% due to lack of sleep though.

I really hate that shitty relationship nonsense. Bloody hell grow up! And it really is childish to involve a third party. And I am bloody pissed off and upset.. And I really meant UPSET.

Her childish acts reminded me of some bastard's threat to me some time ago.. Self inflicted injury is not my cup of tea. I bloody hell dont succumb to this type of threat. If you wanna die, please die further away from me. If you wanna prove you have the guts, "mean what u say".. U jolly well cut yourself deeper and disappear from the face of earth. This world don't need parasites like you to waste our depleting resources.

I even feel it's a total waste of my time and breath to even have to entertain you. Especially this even not any shit i've created. But I had to fulfill the duty as a friend to a friend. If not, I seriously wont give a fuck about you pathetic, wallowing in self pity, arsehole..! And fat chance for this episode to repeat itself. I will not allow myself to babysit worthless idiots like such again. I swear.

Life is precious. Thousands are millions out there are battling against all kinda critical illnesses just to stay alive. My mum battled with brain tumours for over 20 years. Battled even harder when she got a stroke 8 years ago. And until today she prepares her own meals, she stay at home alone all day and insist to do light housework. She is stubborn like a bull, literally. But she showed me that's the way to live a life. Because of her proud character, she has never even once admitted her disability. She would tell my relatives in her slurred speech, "I CAN DO HOUSEWORK!"

I packed dinner home to eat with her today. I sat down to watch Animal Planet with her. I felt so guilty I cant do this more often with her. And while my back faces her, my tears had to roll.

People please count your blessings and not your misfortunes.

And even if you choose to live in a damn depressed way, please keep it to yourself and not infect the people ard u with your pathetic and cowardly stunts.

Jibberish (part 2)

Someone whom I haven met for years, haven spoke for a while, called on me today.. Am not as affected as I thought I would be. Nevertheless I really just wanted to get this off my chest before I head to bed..

I guess bittersweet memories are addictive. Like black coffee.. Has a rich aroma but a bitter taste. Yet I cant stop my coffee addiction. I cant tell if it's because the caffeine keeps me awake, or that I really like how it taste.. Like those memories. There's no longer a need to find out what's real and what's not. Time has worked on it like a sift. What's left are those that's left an imprint in my heart, like scars left behind after a wound..

How do I leave them behind? Perhaps only time.. More time..

Heavenly Sin..



Dessert @ Canele Chocolate Partissier, Raffles City..

It's rare for me to feel any dessert is too sinful. Trust me, the Nutellia Sweet Crepe (2nd pic) is almost too good to be true.. I really felt guilty piggin out. Came in a pretty generous portion. I recommend to share btw 2-3 if anyone intends to go try...

The strawberry tart is comparable to those I had in Switzerland.. It brought back nice memories of alfresco cafes in Europe.. Sweet! Go try it people...

Jibberish

It was Valentine's Day earlier this week.. So I guess it's rather apt to talk about the issue of love.. I'm gonna sound very random. I'm not really sure what i wanna talk abt. In fact these days, I never really knew what i'm thinking anyway.

Recently there seem to be alot of happenings ard me that relates to the problems of relationships. Seriously, the problems of couples ard me freaks me out.

I realised I've forgotten how to love.. I thought tat's such a shame. Then I knew for sure, I'm unable to move on till I figure my way out again..

Today, I was hunting for flowers with Mr Austin Tan after lunch at Geylang. We went to 2 places at lavender, no luck. Florist told us it's the day after V day. He shot us a look that basically shouts us to us that we are being idiotic.. Anyhoo, I felt like a GPS navigator. I took my macbook out and yellowpages assisted me great time to track down all the other florist near us at that instant. I made several calls, and finally find 1 at Kitchener Road that has what Mr Tan wants to buy for his beloved.. That florist must have thought we looked like radishes. She asked for $90 for the bouquet. Need I go on further? Bye bye.

To be frank until this point of time i'm still nt sure what Im driving at.

After we got back to office.. some other things happened.. I received a call. It got me upset. And definitely it got me all upset all over again.

Just yesterday, before Mr Tan went for his date, he had to ask me randomly..
"So really no chance of getting back with the other Austin Tan?"

I shooed him out of the office immediately.

I'm not exactly sure why I'm sitting in front of my macbook at this hour.. Ranting away.. I didn't get more than 3 hrs of sleep last nite. (Tat's another story..) Maybe I'm just too tired. Cos my tears were flowing down randomly. Seriously. I'm not really sure why they started rolling. I asked myself if i haven got over.. I can answer myself perfectly well. I'm moved on. So now what?

Perhaps I just really missed the feeling of loving someone so hard..

Randomly from time to time, I'd get the burning urge to find the answers to the questions I had. I told myself, only 1 life. Live it. Will I have regrets if I never found the courage to ask?

Then the other side of me will debate, I should just leave things as it is and just fucking move on and stop dwelling on nonsense. I have alot of important things to do. My finances are seeing the reds. N i seriously meant.. the Reds. I'm in debts. That sucks. I need work for the company. And here I am ranting my old grandmother stories again and again like a broken tape recorder.

I'm not sure how long more will I take, really. I get tired from time to time.. I hate all the crying for nothing. I really do hate the weak side of me. It's bittersweet when the memories flood me from time to time. Actually I'm just living in my own dream. Oh man.. Please someone wake me up from this endless pursuit.. Sometimes I feel like I've lost my mind..

So what exactly is love? Why are some people in a relationship but they are constantly demanding the impossibles from each other? And if u already see the clash in character and mentality, day in day out u are complaining abt ur misery.. Why go on?

Does tat mean u're hanging on bcos of love? or actually its jus the fear of letting go?

And what are the reasons u will give your love up for? I never understood why anyone will let go of their love for money, even more so for religion.. I just wish I never find the answer to this anyway.. If I ever ever do this, my dear friends, those who actually bother to read on and read.. please jus kill me.. for I will no longer my I when that day comes..

What is the purpose of living when one lost their heart and soul?

How Now Brown Cow?

Tonight, the uncertainties about my future is giving me a panic attack.

Our studio - Poised Media, shall be in operations officially as of tomorrow. It's like the cold harsh facts are hitting me in the face. Sounds damn late to realise this already.. I feel like the whole world is sitting by and watching us. I feel like I'm going to war without any ammo, without even a bullet-proof vest. Suddenly I feel I am not experienced enough to run this studio. Suddenly I blame myself for not working hard enough the previous years.

The more I know, the more I realise how little I know..

Austin always say, the people ard him are waiting to see him fail. Suddenly I feel the same pessimistic way too.. Especially after CNY. I hate it when relatives ask what I am doing now.. Cos if my answer differ from previous years, it appears like I am 'unstable'. I am giving myself this one chance. If I do fail, I leave without regrets and a whole bag of experience. I will then get a job in an agency, and find myself in the 9-5 Rat Race.

But there will always be someone who's ready to mock and give you that dirty look.. That 'I told you so..' look.. That 'you should have known better' tone of voice. Sometimes I really hate those 'annual relatives' - those u see once a year.. and think they actually know u at all.

So tomorrow is THE DAY. No more cutting the slack. No more wasteful spending. It's gonna be pure hardwork, blood and sweat.. We MUST make it. There's no room for failure.

My heart is actually racing while I type on..

My office...

Hello everyone! It's Chinese New Year's eve.. Today I specially came back to the office, cos I worry my pretty plants will wilt if I dont give them water for the next 4 days..

I am very happy as they are growing so well! The pot of flower on e left is blooming for the second time already. Not sure what its call.. Just know its from holland n has furry leaves. Hurr.. And the pot of Narcissus on the right just started blooming yesterday.. How nice.. Keeping flowers remind me of the theory, u reap what u sow.. I let them have enough sunlight and water everyday and prune the overgrown leaves so the budding flowers have enough nutrients.. It's like taking care of a pregnant woman then I see the birth of the 'baby'.. Hee...







Alrights.. It's time to change and set off for reunion dinner at the airport.. update again tonight!