How Now Brown Cow?

Tonight, the uncertainties about my future is giving me a panic attack.

Our studio - Poised Media, shall be in operations officially as of tomorrow. It's like the cold harsh facts are hitting me in the face. Sounds damn late to realise this already.. I feel like the whole world is sitting by and watching us. I feel like I'm going to war without any ammo, without even a bullet-proof vest. Suddenly I feel I am not experienced enough to run this studio. Suddenly I blame myself for not working hard enough the previous years.

The more I know, the more I realise how little I know..

Austin always say, the people ard him are waiting to see him fail. Suddenly I feel the same pessimistic way too.. Especially after CNY. I hate it when relatives ask what I am doing now.. Cos if my answer differ from previous years, it appears like I am 'unstable'. I am giving myself this one chance. If I do fail, I leave without regrets and a whole bag of experience. I will then get a job in an agency, and find myself in the 9-5 Rat Race.

But there will always be someone who's ready to mock and give you that dirty look.. That 'I told you so..' look.. That 'you should have known better' tone of voice. Sometimes I really hate those 'annual relatives' - those u see once a year.. and think they actually know u at all.

So tomorrow is THE DAY. No more cutting the slack. No more wasteful spending. It's gonna be pure hardwork, blood and sweat.. We MUST make it. There's no room for failure.

My heart is actually racing while I type on..