My perspective of life - Life is unpredictable. Everyone is a unique individual because we're moulded by the environment we grow up, our culture, friends we mix with and values we've been induced since young. My life has been a sail and envyed by many before i turn 16. I worked hard for 'o' levels, secondary school was so much fun. My family is doing well. Bro jus got married and my nephew jus arrived to this world. Everyone lived together under the same roof, despite quarrels here and there, i remember i was happier.

Alot has happened and who i am today, unfortunate am still at a loss. But i'm moving on. Moving away from the depressive, drug reliant self. Another new stage of life is jus abt to unfold, i'm going to be engaged in voluntary work in a few days.. Its time i learn how to socialize effectively and make more new friends.

Every passing day made me realise the more i learn, the more i feel how little i know. I always thought i could decipher what's on a person's mind by reading their body language. Guess after meeting more n more people i realise i'm actually somewhat naive. Not everyone can be read like an open book. At times i actually thought if i'm not fully recovered yet. I still fumble at times when i walk the stairs. My concentration level is still as low as before. *haha*

I guess 1 of my biggest problem is looking back too much. Am i wallowing in self pity? Or am i jus unable to let go? Sometimes it does feel shitty to be in dilemma all the time. Making up my mind is a breeze for most, while a freaking chore to me.

My Wants - I'm glad to be able to differentiate my needs and wants better now. No more impulsive shopping n im so proud of myself. :D

When it comes to relationship, i kept thinking i'm very simple cos i'm jus like any other girl. Every relationship needs time and attention to make things work and grow. I want a companion who's willing to be interested in my passions and do things together with me. The perfect picture to me is to jus relax over coffee with a nice ambient, talk abt life and anything under the sun. We set a goal n achieve it together, we go travel and share our tears and woes. Similarly i'm willing to participate in his interest and passions. i'm game to learn new things and blend into his life. U've gotta be fun, sensitive, haf a big heart and yes pls groom urself well. Oh actually i'm pretty demanding after all. Hahaa...

I feel kinda emotional today. The fact that HE is so involved in his work to the extence i felt he's brainwashed, makes me think alot. Why is this person i thought i knew suddenly became someone i dont really know? I still cant get over the fact he knows he dont haf time for me n knows i'm being neglected but cant do anything abt it. Is it really that difficult to make me feel a bit better? Why didn't he make any attempt to save our relationship? I ever had the crazy thought of joining his work so that we'll somehow haf something in common and we'd be able to spend more time together. Am i nuts? Hahaa...