Sunday, August 20, 2006
Theoretically i should be very much zonked out by this time. I woke up rather early, went out for coffee, shopped a little, headed home to pack, went blading and shopping again till i got home jus pass 12.
Insomnia is damn irritating cos no matter how much u try to tire urself to sleep, u jus feel ur overworked body aches but ur mind keeps running on the limitless fuel. E more u work out, e more alert u are.
I hate e thought of entertaining guest(or rather anyone) when u're not in the best of moods. U gotta put on a fake front..
"So how's life?""Oh i'm ok, uni is starting, i'm working on adhoc basis until sch starts in sept..."(with nice smile on face)
*roll eyes*
Shopping alone can be therapeutic only when u haf a nice budget to splurge on urself. I bursted my "self soothe budget" on a 90mins massage in hope of putting me to sleep. Well i'm still into my day 4 of sleepless night. Another 3 nights i'll haf to be hospitalized once again? Oh spare me..
Blading is good workout today. Had 2 bad falls thou. 1 strained my left hamstring, another bruised my left hand. So clumsy.. I wanted to go back to ECP again tmr to brush up on it. But i guess i gotta leave e day free for mum.
Talking abt her.. My mum can really break me apart at times. I reminded her to take her med and she snaps for no apparent reason. How fucking hurting is it when ur own mum tells u jus let her die? It felt like shit. Angry? Disappointed? Heartbroken? The list goes on n on.. Sometimes i really jus dont wanna go home at all.
Feels quite unstable these days actually. I feel normal. Sometimes too normal. Then i break down and weep nonstop. This time i cant differentiate if i'm sick or not anymore.