...//pains...

woke up feeling disorienated. nightmare freak e hell outta me.. leaving me even more tired than b4. it means i haf to work extra hard to make up for e wasted time spent sleeping an unpleasant sleep. perhaps i'm jus too tired n stressed up. i hate nightmares...

i remember feeling my neck on e way back last night on e cab. felt a small lump on my neck during movie, n was checking for lymph nodes.. the scene got stuck in my head. i dreamt i had lumps all over my face n body. went to e docs n they certify i have HIV.. wat the hell... i woke up feeling sick of myself.

went back to sleep again. got woken by shoutings at my door. its happening AGAIN... oh GREAT! i wish e accident yesterday turn me deaf permanently. i dont need this to get into me, affect me emotionally n now i cant get down to work. jus as i was blasting music into my ears to ease out those shoutings...

my hurts n pains were scaled down to minimum when austin msg me.. the same fren who lost his grandfather on monday, lost this grandmother today. i cant imagine the pain.. i already felt horrible when my aunts passed away 1 after another earlier this yr.. jus when u thought its over, it happened again. life can be such a pain u really hate it at times.. yet without these seemingly painful moments, how would u even differentiate the good times from it? guess when extreme, intense pain exist, happiness should come along e way.. i give my heart out to this friend's friend.. whoever u r..

this is like e 3rd death i heard in a week. 3rd death ever since e start of 7th month. i hope i'm jus being paranoid n overly superstitious. sunday noon, elaine's ex boss mrs goh.. her husband passed away suddenly of heart attack.. i jus saw this old couple at elaine's bday party nt long ago. argh.. life can be such a pain..

today's post obviously is depressing and 1 of my down days.. but e cruelity of life itself refrains me from sinking any further. i haf a long list of things for me to do. i give myself another 30 minutes.. do whatever i want and like.. then organise n pack up depression into thrash bag, n put them along e road outside, to be collected by e garbage truck.