Ranting.. Whining.. Sobbing..

sometimes i wonder, does positivity comes from a person naturally. i dunno why staying positive becomes a constant struggle for myself. i cant help to think positive ppl's life r less happening than mine.. of cos i'm not wallowing in self pity. i know i'm more more fortunate than so many others. but i guess e limit to everyone is different. perhaps for me, i'm jus born with a low threshold.

perhaps its jus e PMS shit.. i dunno.. but i guess someone's word kinda shaken me a little last night. someone told me, "perhaps u should let go"... then it struck me hard. i dunno why but it really kinda kept me awake e whole night. e many times i've said "its e past.. i'm already over n done with.." i guess he was right. if i had gotten over it i wouldn't even think abt it, i wouldn't even talk abt it. yet i found myself still in the same spot i was. perhaps the pride in me refuses to admit defeat. i jus refuse to come to term i jus cant let go. not the kinda "cant let go" like i still miss my ex. defintely not! i jus cant seem to recover from e emotional trauma.. but perhaps guys jus will never understand it.. but i cant say wat he told me didn't make sense. its true. it hit me like a slap in the face, but i appreciate it as he's frank n straight to me. i need this kinda fren to wake me up to my senses.

i'm still trying to figure a way to be better in terms of personality and perception.. decision making, working attitude, self discipline.. seriously the self discipline part.. i haven been trying hard enough. decision making? worse.. i cant even make up my mind on wat to eat.. n now? i have to make up my mind wat's e next step to my life.. work or study? psychology or advertising or design? australia UK or singapore? lasalle NTU NAFA or jus work?? gosh my brain is swelling with questions....

been stressed up these days i kept having nightmares every night.. tat is if i even sleep. sleeping pattern has been like.. i sleep 1 day and i stay awake 1 day.. aaaaargh!!! return me my sanity for God's sake..