Emotional ??

my day started fine. not great. but fine. went to the temple. draw a good lot. it made my day for a while i guess.


Lot says: Good Omen. All augur well. you are currently enjoying the best things in life, reaping sweet fruits from past labour. also get along well with both the good and mean characters around you. financial pursuiits: prospects good and in direct proportion to the amount of past labour put in. level of achievement of commensurate to efforts put in.

i leave e rest to the hands of God.

jus b4 i left, suddenly tot of drawing a lot for someone else too.. lot turn out to be almost excellent. it says "strike while the iron is hot". lady luck smiling on you, opportunity knocking, should seize without hesitation otherwise will be a matter of distress with deep regret. so whoever u r.. if u're reading, treasure watever's ard u now.. life is short. no time for regrets..

think these days i'm becoming very auntie, keep going temple? well sometimes life is so filled with events out of our control we jus gotta turn to spritual support.. for me, i've been meditating alot. some things, i guess, should not let anyone know cos i hate to upset any of my loved ones. lets jus share more happy times and appreciate each other's existence. life is beautiful cos i made it so.
was a peaceful saturday. started painting cos i had nothing to do. thou i felt i've lost touch after a long time. perhaps i'll do more touch up tmr. anyway i finished it up quickly b4 meeting up with my dearies..



it was present giving time.. bought cindy the ding dang and ade the tatted and torn bear.. whiskey's dog bowl and etc.. looked crazy to bring so much stuff to grapevine.










Guys jus dont stop talking abt NS whenever they meet. i wonder why... anyway i brought ken to meet the rest today.. its so funny. he's so lame.. i think cindy cant take it. *oops!* hahaa.. then again e night was great.. the soccer match was unexpected excitement. damn it we haf to leave b4 it ends.. grapevine closes at 2. then again.. was a great nite out!

then again.. im getting a bit bit emotional here. my dear friends, i'm sorry i'm not learning my lesson well and kept inflicting pain on myself. but how do i stop? i jus cant. life is a gamble? indeed a gamble. thou i already know i'll most prob lose, i'll still bet on it.. jus like a match between italy and senegal. obvious tat italy's stronger but cos e odds for senegal's higher so i bet on it. what fuck am i talking?

sometimes i jus hate it when i find myself doing all e stupid things. why? i dont even know. its like losing my soul in a maze. only it can find its way out by itself. i've lost control. i'm numbed. my dearies tell me to let go. i'm sorry to disappoint but i jus cant. i hate being this stubborn too. perhaps when i dont get wat i want, this is the way i am. i pursue it all the way. but in my way. i chose this way. actually i shouldn't be complaining at all cos i dont haf the right. i chose this way. i live with it. jus too bad its painful. life is this painful anyway. to settle for someone who loves me but i dont love is impossible. i'd rather keep loving thou i dont get anything back. i'd rather love.

haf to admit i'm almost at my limit. the room is spinning. i thought i heard my silent phone ringing. i know it wont. perhaps subconsciously i want it to. the craziest thing i can do now is to go out for a jog. i wonder how it will be. high on alcohol and jogging.

i'm still thinking straight. i wont do tat. i saw police right outside my house when i came in jus now. i dont wanna wake up in a station. times like this, i wish for comfort. i wish for m guiding light out of this darkness and misery. i need some hope. i need a shoulder to cry my heart out. i long for a hug n tell me u're there for me. perhaps all i need is some sleeping pills, my saviour.









jus let me sleep till eternal...