:: a little bit of claudia ::

Friday, March 24, 2006

Detoxified

U wouldn't wanna imagine e layers of dust on my collections of coca cola cans and bottles..

Been e longest time i've spring cleaned my room n it all started with the unpacking of the brand new vacuum cleaner. yes its Tested n proven to work well.. one thing led to another, i've dumped most of my coca cola cans cos apparently some haf leaked n some "opened" itself. u dont wanna imagine wat i see while emptying e content..

mopping the floor has never been this therapeutic. felt like e layers of dust, the clutters n mess.. thrashed together with some of my depression n anxiety.

work had been crazy for e past few days. i'm caught between happy n sad. happy cos work diverted my attention n i'm clearer with my goals.. unhappy cos while i'm trying hard to do my best and concentrate, i cant help but make e stupidest mistakes n extremely careless. i did felt useless and guilty of e many blunders i made n my dear boss n colleague had to bear with me. but at e same time i'm so thankful for their understanding and support. it makes me wanna move on with my head up high.

there are so many things i wanna say n wanna do. very jumbled up. n i need to sort things out n take a step at a time. its hard to say i'm better or not. but positivity is very important as i realise, and decided to keep myself happy. whatever it takes.. jus be myself n be happy.

i'm giving myself all e time in e world to recover slowly n well. to see life in another perspective, to realise e soul within myself who i really am. so much i wanna do. an online dessert retail site, complete my cross stitch n make a personalized frame, paint a painting on e canvas tat's starting to gather dust, to compile my portfolio n apply for freelance positions, to get a DSLR n do understand photography professionally, to travel somewhere, to write a book on my insights of life, the process of depression n my wierd theories of psychology.. there's so much to do! i need to be reborn...

the ups n downs of life gained me alot of insights n stirred alot of emotions within me. i wish someone could jus sit n listen to me blabber all day long. unfortunately most of e time no one can be sticking with me all day long (ya maybe my dear hippo Purpledee..) I wish someone jus sits n listens n share the experiences of life.. i wish e world would jus slow down...

do u know if tomorrow will come? no one knows for sure. why rush thru life when there's so much more to it than work work n more work?? can never seem to understand why ppl rushes all over. the train station, bus stop.. jus sit anywhere in CBD area n u realise everyone dashes everywhere. come on folks.. slow down.. look up into e sky more n admire the beauty tat has always been neglected.

same for human relationships. work work work.. debts, debts, n more debts.. there'll be endless of money to earn. n unfortunately also, endless debts n loans to clear. we neglect e fact once a relationship is strained, it takes so much to recover it n if its lost, even if reconciled, nothing will be e same again.. is money really tat important? sad fact is yes if i dont haf it i'll probably be dead by now. but would u rather be dead than live a life tat's empty?

sometimes life ain't complicated. there's no hard n fast rules. it takes love to nourish it.. acceptance to grow with it.. generosity to be contented with it, forgiveness to free ur mind n empathy to live a live well. of cos there's much more. every single day is different. rather than afraid of e uncertainties, how abt jus indulge in e present n worry when it comes? most of e time, jus be happy n everything else jus falls in place.

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