Friday, March 24, 2006

Detoxified

U wouldn't wanna imagine e layers of dust on my collections of coca cola cans and bottles..

Been e longest time i've spring cleaned my room n it all started with the unpacking of the brand new vacuum cleaner. yes its Tested n proven to work well.. one thing led to another, i've dumped most of my coca cola cans cos apparently some haf leaked n some "opened" itself. u dont wanna imagine wat i see while emptying e content..

mopping the floor has never been this therapeutic. felt like e layers of dust, the clutters n mess.. thrashed together with some of my depression n anxiety.

work had been crazy for e past few days. i'm caught between happy n sad. happy cos work diverted my attention n i'm clearer with my goals.. unhappy cos while i'm trying hard to do my best and concentrate, i cant help but make e stupidest mistakes n extremely careless. i did felt useless and guilty of e many blunders i made n my dear boss n colleague had to bear with me. but at e same time i'm so thankful for their understanding and support. it makes me wanna move on with my head up high.

there are so many things i wanna say n wanna do. very jumbled up. n i need to sort things out n take a step at a time. its hard to say i'm better or not. but positivity is very important as i realise, and decided to keep myself happy. whatever it takes.. jus be myself n be happy.

i'm giving myself all e time in e world to recover slowly n well. to see life in another perspective, to realise e soul within myself who i really am. so much i wanna do. an online dessert retail site, complete my cross stitch n make a personalized frame, paint a painting on e canvas tat's starting to gather dust, to compile my portfolio n apply for freelance positions, to get a DSLR n do understand photography professionally, to travel somewhere, to write a book on my insights of life, the process of depression n my wierd theories of psychology.. there's so much to do! i need to be reborn...

the ups n downs of life gained me alot of insights n stirred alot of emotions within me. i wish someone could jus sit n listen to me blabber all day long. unfortunately most of e time no one can be sticking with me all day long (ya maybe my dear hippo Purpledee..) I wish someone jus sits n listens n share the experiences of life.. i wish e world would jus slow down...

do u know if tomorrow will come? no one knows for sure. why rush thru life when there's so much more to it than work work n more work?? can never seem to understand why ppl rushes all over. the train station, bus stop.. jus sit anywhere in CBD area n u realise everyone dashes everywhere. come on folks.. slow down.. look up into e sky more n admire the beauty tat has always been neglected.

same for human relationships. work work work.. debts, debts, n more debts.. there'll be endless of money to earn. n unfortunately also, endless debts n loans to clear. we neglect e fact once a relationship is strained, it takes so much to recover it n if its lost, even if reconciled, nothing will be e same again.. is money really tat important? sad fact is yes if i dont haf it i'll probably be dead by now. but would u rather be dead than live a life tat's empty?

sometimes life ain't complicated. there's no hard n fast rules. it takes love to nourish it.. acceptance to grow with it.. generosity to be contented with it, forgiveness to free ur mind n empathy to live a live well. of cos there's much more. every single day is different. rather than afraid of e uncertainties, how abt jus indulge in e present n worry when it comes? most of e time, jus be happy n everything else jus falls in place.

2:19 AM 0 comments

Saturday, March 18, 2006



Its funny how 12 hrs ago i was typing away, all well n normal...

12 hrs later, so much has already happened. I broke up down yet again n i dont even know why. Aren't i already well??

I'm so sick n tired of this. I'm scared whenever well cos i cant predict when i'm gonna crash again.

5:28 PM 0 comments




Its been a very eventful friday for me.. ups n downs all in one day. But guess wat? I'm still feeling great.. yes, almost 5am. still feeling normal.

Frankly i kinda feel a little strange feeling so normal these days. Sometimes i feel like a timebomb. Haf this phobia within me i'd break down again.. But lets treasure e good times while it last.

Its been a great time at Jln Kayu yesterday. Esp raymond my dear buddy.. i haven seen him since chinese new year. It jus feels good to meet up with good friends and spend quality time, talking and sharing advises. Or rather thanks to my dearest friends for their great listening ears cos u can imagine i'm e one talking non stop most of the time..

On the way walking home, noticed the sky was exceptionally clear and the bright moon hangs up high.. stars burn bright.. What a beautiful sight... When was the last time u look into the sky and admire the beauty of mother nature? Someone told me, whenever i feel down, jus look into e sky cos its always nice. Now i believe so..

17th of March. Today while waiting for client, i remember 3 yrs ago on this fateful day, someone touched my heart n added some colors to my 21 years of life. So i decided to send an sms to this old fren..

How time flies.. 3 yrs.. Some things are still vivid in my mind. It seem like jus yesteryear. All is forgiven, gone with the wind. Only left with e beautiful memories.. Life still goes on. Life is still beautiful. I'm thankful for everything tat happened in my life, for good or for bad. It made me who i am today, stronger and better a person. I wish all is well and fine for this unforgotten friend.

Ain't it nice? I feel good to know i've really let the past go. No more resentment. No more grudges. Thou i feel i took a little too long. But better late than never? Hahaa... I feel very relieve.. this peaceful, calm feeling in my heart.. I'm glad i see myself seeding from a wildful child to a maturing lady. ;)



4:42 AM 0 comments

Friday, March 17, 2006

Acceptance - A good read.

"A relationship is a living thing. It needs and benefits from the same attention to detail that an artist lavishes on his art. "
-David Viscott


Permit people to be who they are - not what they could be, should be, or would be if only they listened to you. Accept the imperfections and celebrate each other's person's individuality. Acceptance affirms people's value, raise self-esteem, and makes them feel comfortable in your presense.

Artist are masters at the use of primary colors which create the heart of the finished product. Mutual trust is 1 such primary ingredients. We live in an imperfect, messy world made up of imperfect people. Unfortunately, many of us are prone to trusting people when they prove themselves trustworthy. I tend to believe that if we trust people, they will prove themselves trustworthy. I know trust can be betrayed but it is essential for relationships to develop. Step out. Make an effort to believe in the intrinsic goodness of people. Sure you might be disappointed at times, but you will also be blessed.

Share yourself with others. There is a bit of risk here but withholding who we are places a permanent blemish on the relationship canvas. Open and honest communication stands out in any close friendship. Use discretion but share your hurts, fears, and failures. Throw good stuff in there too. Just refrain from unnecessary critical, cheap shots of hurting comments that are better left unsaid.

I'm sure every artist has his or her favourite color that tends to find its way into each creation. My favourite relationship ingredient is improving the ability to see the good in people. Tell your friends, family and coworkers what you like about them. Tell people how thankful you are for them. Recognize their talents, applaude their successes (one of the most difficult actions of human nature), and make others feel important about themselves. Expressing appreciation on every possible occasion is one of the surest way to boost mutual respect and encourage positive behaviours.

A masterpiece stands out in the viewer's mind when the proper highlights are added. When it comes to relationships, you can move to the next level by

Giving more than you get

Allowing people to have their space

Maintaining confidentiality

Giving supportive and positive advise

Being loyal

Listening

Treating others with dignity

Saying "please" and "thank you"

Being agreeable

Accepting others' opinions

Forgiving wrongs committed

Quality relationships are fulfilling. Relationships dont fail to become a beautiful experience because they are wrong but because most people dont want to invest what it takes to create an original. To evaluate how effective you are in a relationship masterpiece, jus ask yourself,
"If i were my friend, would I enjoy the artistic strokes (Qualities) I experience being with me?"




1:36 AM 0 comments

Saturday, March 11, 2006



I'm on new drugs. Legal psychotic ones i mean.

Today is jus one of those days my brain jus refuse to work. Fine. I'm going with it.

I ate alot today. Have you ever ate till u wanna throw up, then after throwing up u eat again.. i know this sounds gruelsome. But this is so real. I jus eat n eat n wont stop eating. Is there a right word for use here?

While i typed away. I'm spying on my psychotic neighbour. Ironic huh? so who's more psychotic here? u go figure it out.. but its fun. this neurotic guy screams every single day. Sometimes i wish i could scream. At least it relieves some stress doesn't it.. Sometimes we all jus wanna scream. Some of us do. Some jus contain it.

Today's jus one of those "rebellious Claudia" day.. I do wat i wan n be proud of it. NO GUILT.
Screw datelines. Screw rules. Fuck all the "right" shyt.. There's no right or wrong. No yes or no. I am what i am... Take it or leave it.

n i'm damn pissed my chicken wings got stolen. Shucks...

7:11 PM 0 comments

Monday, March 06, 2006

Endophines RUSH...

Gosh.. At this moment.. i'm feeling HAPPY! n i mus pen this down..

its been ages since i felt this way.. is it e medications? is it e long walk i took today? is it e sinful chocolate cake tat's working miracles? i seriously dunno.. but i'm preserving this moment.. e truly happy moment in e longest time...

its nt tat i didn't enjoy valentine's day last month.. nt tat i didn't enjoy lunch with mum last wk.. nt tat i wasnt grateful for e meeting with my bestest girlfriends last weekend...

its jus this adrenaline rush now.. in e midst of depression.. its like seeing light in a dark tunnel.. i see e end of darkness nearing.. hope this moment will last forever... :D

11:10 PM 0 comments


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This is my personal blog, for sharing interesting photos, pretty designs and even juicy gossips with my friends. This is also my ranting space. I scream and shout anything and everything.

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