Tuesday, September 26, 2006



Its 6:30am, 26th Sept 2006, Tuesday morning.

I'm finally done with my work and still quite awake to drop in a few lines. Together with elaine, cindy, raymond and gken, we sent our dear June off to UK. Its Goodbye for 1 year.. See u next year babe!!

Much as we tried to keep e atmosphere cheerful, it seems unevitable that poor girl broke down when mummy starts weeping.. I still cant imagine how the scene would be the day i had to leave home. I guess e unknown is a big part of the surprise package.. I did felt a little teary when we had to say goodbye. But held it back.. it always happens when 1 starts crying n e tears of others will follow.

Much as the parting was saddening, yesterday was a happy day. It seems i haven laughed that much for a long time. I'm glad i was jus in the mood to make alot of dumb jokes.. It seems there was alot of rushing to do at the airport. So 1 lesson learnt the next time i have to head there, i'll make sure i'm not in heels! N by the way i'm not even e 1 travelling today n strangely elaine n i were in a mad rush. N it was all for trying to find a "non-Starhub" hotspot in the airport.. *shake head* We seriously felt damn silly..

The most absurd thing we did was pushing a trolley around when we're not even travelling? Haha.. but trust me when u had to lug ur laptop n covering almost every inch of both terminals of the airport, the trolley indeed relieved us of the pain..

After saying Bye-Bye, we sent Cindy home. At the carpark at serangoon, Gken played driving instructor! Elaine and Raymond tried their hands on the wheel... i'm looking forward to expect more drivers among our clique! Looking at them taking their turns at the wheel, i realised its time i go get my license.. oh Man, trust me this agenda has been sitting on my to-do list for the longest time. Blame it on the odd locations of driving centres la...!!! :P I mus go get my license converted and get dad to buy a van n tat shall be my mobile working station man... its so much fun getting a van!! Can ferry ALL ur friends and convert the back to a mobile living room... ;)

The sky's lighting up already.. n its time to say... GOOD NITE!! :D

6:36 AM 0 comments

Sunday, September 24, 2006



Its been yet another aimless weekend. I feel like a complete slacker with no contribution to this world.. oh Crap!

My dear June is heading back to UK tomorrow night. I always get emotional on a sunday night like this.. i'm beginning to miss my dear friend! We had so much fun together when she's back.. we'd meet for lunches and go on auntie shopping trips at toa payoh! hehe.. Then there's ktv n sentosa.. oh man.. well anyway when June returns, it also marks the start of my lifeless life. Sch's starting on tuesday. n i promise myself i'll mug real hard for my BA...

Last thursday was a farewell gathering for our dear June.. had dinner at chomps and an amazing ktv nite after tat. Hell lot of fun cos we had our Big bro Gken drive all of us ard.. Yeah~!!






9:38 PM 0 comments

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Coming to terms

Its always the moments before i fall asleep that my thoughts start wondering all about.. Then i start to discover things abt myself i never thought i knew..

I guess its time to come to terms with reality and stop hiding myself in the closet.

This thought crossed my mind, and i guess i finally understood my actions. I tried recalling how i felt when i was with my ex. Then i realise i cant remember how i felt anymore cos it's been more than 2 yrs since we went of seperate ways. Many years ago when i was jus a little girl, i remember so vividly i was so willing to love. Its such a beautiful thing to love. He became the priority in life, everything was abt that someone special first. It was happy to be able to love. I never believed love would ever turn sour. That is someone u're ever so madly in love with. How would u hate him? Well reality proved otherwise. But after the hate, i'm glad i'm still left with some sweet memories of the good days we had.

Austin and i finally came to stand down in late august. I never found enough courage to face up to this fact in the face. I jus kept hiding and pretending, hoping i dont see it means it hadn't happened. My dear friends, the series of actions from me following the breakup, i'm sure it has caused enough controversy. In fact i cant understand why at all. Yet today i guess i saw some light abt myself, finally.

This relationship of mine is so precious to me. So many details of it, i still remember them vividly. How i felt before i met him, how i felt the first time we met face to face... How he struck me as the person i wanna be with for the rest of my life. It's so god damned hard to let someone like this go. After waiting for 1 whole year, my wait was finally rewarded.. we're finally together.

I still cant understand why things didnt work out. It wasn't cause i didn't love him anymore. Somehow things btw us was like in a leaking cup. Day by day, something goes missing. I tried hard to save things. Somehow things jus dont work out. But i'd say if i have a second chance in life, i'd never haf let go in the first place. n perhaps only after we've let go do we realise how much it meant to us anyway.

I took things exceptionally calm when we parted. No drama. No depressive episodes. I didnt wanna talk abt it much. Life seemed like it has moved on. I started dating someone new. While everyone gladly thought tat i've moved on in life, the fact is i'm jus hiding from the wound in my heart. Dating someone new took alot of attention off my broken heart. The only reason i saw it was i jus cant let go of any detail i have in my mind. Frankly i'm really really scared. Scared to lose a single bit of memory i have of him. So i let everything physical remained unchanged. The photos, the clothes, the hair gel the contact lens solution the every bit i have of him. The only things i have to hold on to like my dear life.

A part of me is dying to ask for that second chance to start anew. Yet i never asked cos it seems the 50% chances of him saying yes seems higher than if i asked n get a definite answer. Let me indulge in my hopes and maybe this will keep the memories alive. I cant let go cos i dont wanna ever let go.

1:37 AM 0 comments

Tuesday, September 19, 2006



Feels a little queasy rite now.. Cos memories kinda overwhelmed me a little.

Got to know a friend broke up with someone he's been with for abt 7 yrs and am with someone else already. Somehow the memories of me and him flooded my mind. The tears aren't flowing anymore, but the pain is still my reality.

How do someone get over someone u love so much so quickly and be with someone else so soon? (i'm nt referring to my friend here..)

The answer is i've never gotten over. Its jus a big mistake i've committed and i'm still coming to terms with it. While i try to right my wrong, turn a blind eye to my pain and keep moving on, i jus hope 1 day i dont crash and fall cos all my wrongs will bury me alive.

My dear friends are probably confused with me these days. N frankly i'm not sure myself. I cant bring myself to explain things too clearly cos i'm letting myself sink a bit in the dilemma cos sometimes being too awake in reality jus dont do us good.

I think i sound like an alien. Doesn't matter if u dont understand me. I dont understand myself anyway.

2:29 PM 0 comments


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