A whole lot of grief and anger

It's already Tuesday. It's hard to take my mind off the loss of my dear friend. When night time approaches, when the silence of the night consumes me.. The hours just crawls by. Insomnia just makes things worse. Gosh...

I feel like just having a verbal diarrhea and just pour my thoughts out cos i feel there is so much suppressed emotions that i just need to let out. Apart from grief, I actually feel pissed off and disturbed.

I lost a friend who was so close to my heart. His body is now in Vietnam and his business partner cannot locate his mother who is in Australia. And without any family consent, it makes it hard to bring decide what to do with the body, and even harder to bring it back home here. While time ticks by, I cant help but kept wondering what is going to happen. Are the facilities there good enough to preserve his body?

This friend and I had were talking the night before his departure. This friend called me moments before he passed on. We had an unfinished conversation. We had an arranged meeting when he returns. Now all these thoughts just kept circling my damn head every single night. This friend is as close to my heart as ppl i call my 'buddies' - elaine, june, raymond, etc.. or my 'dearie' austin n audrey..

Got the news on saturday night 1130pm. Shortly after my 2 dearies made their way down to watch me cry and made me laugh at lame jokes and brought me out for supper after that. Though i still end up staying awake the entire night and watch the sky lights up, the night was so much easier to bear. Sunday was a drag while i walk in circles in my room and rot my day away. I just continue to rot till i was suppose to head to bed. The night was horrendous cos i cant stop hallucinating and hoping the phone will ring and someone tells me it was just a sick joke.

I screwed my Monday morning by sleeping in till 1pm.

So the pissed off part.
I feel pissed off because some people just dont understand what my grief and loss is about and shrugs me off and conveniently changes our conversation topic. Is it just because they just simply have no idea how close this friend is? I'd really like to tell myself 'Look! U're over-reacting and stop that and get real!'. Am i really over-reacting?

Or is it simply because maybe I am not the best best best best friend of them, so they just cant be bothered...?

I really really wonder...

This world makes me feel sick when i see ppl who literally work their ass off and ignore the rest of the world outside work. They lost their soul in between the stacks of reports and proposals.. and they thought they found themselves and their goals of life, only to realise they won the whole world but lost themselves.

People.. We should control our work and not let work control us! Stop saying u r too busy to be home for dinner.. Stop saying u r too tired to spend time with ur friends, family and loved ones.. Stop giving excuses! Seize every single opportunity to spend quality time with those u love and stop saying u regret not spending enough time or giving enough attention to those ard u but not making any effort to do anything. Do ever wait till u collect a bagful of regrets then think why u didn't realise it earlier...