The break down episode

Mum has been unwell for coming 2 months already. The only time I wailed my eyes out, was the day she fell at home.. I knew I had to be strong, and somehow the strength naturally. Things are more manageable with this strength that kept me going.

Day after day, my sister's tummy got bigger. Baby is due to say hello to this world in early Sept. So the task of taking care of mum landed on my shoulders entirely.. When I see improvements in mum, i'd feel happy and able to focus on work. Any deterioration, i'd be kept awake the whole night..

Frankly, i'm lost for directions in life now. But somewhat, work kept me going. Much as i'm not focused, and actually reluctant to work at all, new accounts started coming in. How can we say no? So somehow, i'm jus pushing along.. Doing work for the sake of doing work, leaving my heart at home..

There were countless moments I felt alone. So alone, the silence around me is deafening.

Which is more scary? Having no one to talk to, or having no one understand you even after talking?

I'm feeling quite drained out since Saturday, after working till dawn.. Perhaps fatigue drained courage and strength from me.. Perhaps... Perhaps..