Murphy's law...


Trust me, I totally agree with the above.

You know, apart from having to juggle with things at home, my wisdom tooth is giving me problems again. Apparently it's pushing its way out, yet again.. But cos it's not fully out yet, I cant get it extracted. I wonder how many more episodes of toothache am I gonna get.. And this always take place when I'm under stress, or when my body undergoes hormonal changes.

AaaRRRGGHHHH!!

The child within..

My evening was really pleasant. I met up with Angeline, my uni mate, and her little 'princess' really cheered me up!

Her little girl, Angela, was soooo cute! We satisfied the little princess' craving for Happy Meal, and walked around AMK hub for a short while. This little girl really touched my heart. A child who's truly innocent and happy.. This happiness is infectious. She really made my day!

It's just too bad I forgot to snap a picture with her.. I'll make sure i do it when I meet her the next time..

So so.. while we were shopping ard, we spot some really pretty stickers. So apart from buying 1 for the little princess, I got so attracted too, and bot a few..




So cute rite...!! Heee...

Random

In a conversation with 1 of my ex today, it occurs to me that he thought I left him bcos of the way his way of life was then. This kinda shocked me. Not bcos that's how the way he's judging me, but the fact that there was no reflection on himself.. The blame of an ended relationship was shifted to me. Of cos, i may be wrong.. Maybe it's just a man's ego, he prefers not to disclose he admitting his mistakes. (Man here refers to all mankind, not gender wise.)

I'm not trying to dig into the dead past again.

I'm just a tad taken back, together with a couple other events that took place earlier, at generally how a human's behaviour changes dramatically at a turn of situation. Sometimes, all it takes is one incident, to change our impression of a best friend or even a family member..

It's human instinct to be defensive when we sense a threat. The way we defend ourselves differs from individual. Some choose to lie their way through. Some choose to insist they are right even if they realise they are wrong. While some chooses to escape. (Embarrassingly, I'm the escapist!)

So what i'm really trying to say is, everyone ard us is different. We just have to embrace this difference and not look too hard into the differences.. It's easy to point fingers and identify mistakes of others. The real challenge is to look into ourselves and come to terms with our own flaws and mistakes..

It is much easier to let things go, when u allow more love into your heart..


I believe that, this period of trial allows me the opportunity to learn to love the ppl ard me unconditionally.. Some relatives come to visit my mum and made tactless remarks like, "hang in there, mum wont be here for long..." etc etc..

I've gone beyond getting angry with them, but to learn to appreciate the effort for them to visit and spend some time with her.. Anger is pointless.

The break down episode (part 2)

I've been crossing my fingers, days before mum's scan on Tuesday. We saw the specialist yesterday noon and literally got slapped in the face. I managed to remain composed, thou i felt murderous at that instance..

We head to TPY to meet my dad for lunch. It was our 1st meal out together as a family since mum's discharge.

Got home from lunch, I quickly prepared for mum's dinner. The plan was to head back to office after that. But I never did. When the door shut behind me in the room, i broke down and cried. Cried so hard I thought I'm gonna sink into depression again and never get back on my feet again.

2 consultants spoke to us, in my mum's presence. Tumours developed in 2 new locations, 1 has punctured through the nose cavity. Brain fluid is now leaking through mum's nose. Doc says, an infection can easily get through from there. Either that, or the fluid leaks till it dries up. Then mum slips into a coma. Both spells fatality.

So, we've been rejected flat. No operation is going to help with the situation. We're told to give up, told to just sit and watch her wilt away with time. Doc made me ask my mum on the spot, if she wants to do the operation. Mum waves no. But does she even understands us at this point in time?

The questions kept repeating in my head. Are we really selfish to insist on the operation if it's not my mum's will to? Is the doc really right? Is the op, the best for her, or the best for us?

Everything is a blur to me now.

The break down episode

Mum has been unwell for coming 2 months already. The only time I wailed my eyes out, was the day she fell at home.. I knew I had to be strong, and somehow the strength naturally. Things are more manageable with this strength that kept me going.

Day after day, my sister's tummy got bigger. Baby is due to say hello to this world in early Sept. So the task of taking care of mum landed on my shoulders entirely.. When I see improvements in mum, i'd feel happy and able to focus on work. Any deterioration, i'd be kept awake the whole night..

Frankly, i'm lost for directions in life now. But somewhat, work kept me going. Much as i'm not focused, and actually reluctant to work at all, new accounts started coming in. How can we say no? So somehow, i'm jus pushing along.. Doing work for the sake of doing work, leaving my heart at home..

There were countless moments I felt alone. So alone, the silence around me is deafening.

Which is more scary? Having no one to talk to, or having no one understand you even after talking?

I'm feeling quite drained out since Saturday, after working till dawn.. Perhaps fatigue drained courage and strength from me.. Perhaps... Perhaps..

Happy Mother's Day


After dinner jus now, sis and I went to Thomson Road's flower nursery and bot mum some 2 pots of flowers.. This is 1 of them, and it comes with a very cute pot! Definitely much more meaningful than cut flowers.. :)

Technically I've been working non-stop for 15 over hours, since 3pm yesterday afternoon.. Was rushing artwork in the office with austin, with client breathing our neck every other hour. And I meant through the night, till abt 4am..

It's 9am now, I'm fresh from my shower, ready to tuck into bed. Just thought I'd drop a line b4 I zonk out.

It has been 5 days since mum came home. And it's actually much more tiring than the previous 6 weeks when she was in the hospital. It was actually easier to get work done, cos I know mum's safe in the hands of all the docs and nurses there. The 1st night mum was home, I cant help but was awake through the night, checking on her every hour or so.. Occasionally, flashbacks of her fall will flood my mind. Any split moment I'm not watching, something COULD happen.. The paranoia killed me.

Then again, I've been learning to take every thing easy and manage every single problem systematically. Life is not that hard actually, though I'm quite tired physically.

These days I've been cooking lunch and dinner for my mum.. So to keep the patient interested in her food, I need to brain storm abt the things i'm cooking to keep the interest, so that she will finish her food. So I think eventually I'll be a much better cook! To date, I've experimented with cooking Bak Kut Teh, steam tofu with minced meat, steam fish, carrot potato and black peas soup, etc etc.. And pretty yummilicious congee with dried scallops. Hee...

I feel like a mother actually.. And I cant help but understood how much effort she puts in to raising this family. When I was young and mum was less ill, everyday there will be a pot of nutritious soup and steam fish on the dining table, with 1 other varying dish. It's so easy to take homecooked dinners for granted. But actually, it's real challenging you know! Mothers gotta keep changing and improving her culinary skills to keep the family interested, so that they come home for dinner..

Anyhoo.. it so happened that I'm sooo sooo strapped down with work this week too.. Plus the fact that I'm not getting quality sleep. I jus hope i'm not gonna fall sick again. Oh talking abt that, I realise that, e moment i stopped visiting the hospital, my flu and cough finally recovered fully. So now i'm quite sure that the hosp makes ppl sick. So patients really shouldn't be warded anytime longer than they should be.. Mum got home on monday, and i already realise she can move her feets better now. They were so stiff back in the hosp, i was so worried she wont be able to even stand on her own anymore...


My eyelids felt like they weigh a couple of kilos now. I cant keep my eyes open.. So till i'm free to update again..

Here's wishing all Mothers (and mother-t0-be!) a Happy Mother's Day.. Everyone pls treasure your loved ones and spend some quality time with mummy this Sunday..

And also, keep praying for the victims in Myanmar, while we engage ourselves in festive mood this weekend..