Hello.. Hello..!! It's new year's eve.. I wonder how u guys are celebrating...

For me, i'm sitting in front of my house's big plasma screen, watching ManU thrash Fulham.. ALL ALONE.. even my daddy went out for drinks.. now Imagine me sitting with a laptop on my lap, in front of the TV, all alone in an unlit living room... once in a while start talking to myself. Aww... I feel a bit poor thing. Did i also mention there is a party going on right next door?? Oh man... :P

一年前的今天，我在悲伤中找到了快乐与幸福。
一年后的今天，我看似幸福快乐的日子，却带有一丝丝难忘的悲伤。。。

一年前的我，带着承重的心情，冒着雨赶到他的家去。在他觉得人生似乎没有意义的时候，我只想陪在他身边，其他什么都没想。却在那一刹那，我等了整整一年的他，我们终于在一起了。

人家说，得来不易的东西，你就回额外珍惜。真的是我没有好好把握手中的幸福吗？ 明明知道是自己梦寐以求的，却想都没好好想过，就决定放手。。。

也许，这一辈子我再也不会有那一天这么开心了。
遗憾。。真的很遗憾。

Just got back from the cinema, caught Confession of Pain, << 伤城 >>, starring Tony Leung and Takeshi Kaneshiro. Storyline runs around a murder case with lots of twist n turns, and a whole bundle of mix emotions.. Love and Hate, and lots and lots of pain...

I like the direction of the whole movie. It appears a bit slow. Some guy sitting behind me was in fact snoring.. I just think he is someone who cant appreciate the good stuffs. Haha.. Perhaps it has to do with the fact i analyse the media for my thesis. But i was "feeling" every scene. From the slow, sad scenes.. to the police and thief chases that gives u the adrenaline rush.. I'm not sure how to put it, but to me it's a perfect blend of art and emotion, creating a perfect visual masterpiece.. How cumbersome i sound.. *lolz..*

My buddies and i caught Night at the Museum on Christmas Eve last week. Well.. Ben Stiller's flick! It cant be bad.. am i rite? ;) It sure is a good laugh.. Frankly no one finds meaning in a comedy. So just go have a good laugh this festive season! A few characters i simply adore.. One of them is the stone from Easter Island.. "gimme my gum gum u dumb dumb.."... :P


Charlotte's Web.. The book itself brought back alot of memories from school. Did this book in secondary school. Now it's been made into a movie.. It feels like walking into the book itself. Very pretty illustrations and amazing computer graphics on the animals. There is so much friendship and loyalty.. so heartwarming u cant help but shed a tear.. Who says it's good for kids only? Every adult should watch this cos such friendship doesn't seem to exist anymore.. Wilbur the pig is sooooo cute! Who says pigs are fat and dirty and ugly?? :D

ok i'm finally IN.. most would know the internet connection in Singapore has been affected by the earthquake in Taiwan. Frankly speaking when my sis first told me the cranky connection speed is due to the earthquake, i thought she was jus pulling my leg. When e news came out e next day then i realise how catastrophic the natural disaster is...

I was feeling emotional last nite cos i tried sleeping early, but couldn't get to sleep. Running a fever in bed.. grabbed my phone, am not sure what led me there, but i began reminiscing once again. It's more about what has happened in 2006, and a self reflection thingy came into my mind once again.. I've been wanting to do write abt it but jus cant find the right quiet moment.

Fortunately late at 2am, Junie was still online to keep me company and listened to my "sob sob grandma story".. Telling her how i dont wanna live with a regret further n decided to pursue what my heart tells me. Then this fateful night, i had a dream.. I could almost decode this dream myself. There was this part i was standing somewhere overlooking the sea. It was almost raging.. Yes i guess i still have a phobia towards e sea ever since Bintan trip. There was another part i bumped into Him, but he soon gets out of my sight, almost depicting how things btw us happened by chance, then he suddenly he disappears from my life. At that moment i got awaken by a very irritating alarm that goes off every 5 minutes.. sheezz...

Sometimes i wonder how do some people jus seem to be so much in control of their life. They jus know what they want, they go for it and win the game. So how do play this game of life anyway? This is sorta an answer to Miss June's post on self help books...

I started reading some random self help books very early this year when i feel so lost in my life. Felt like i've lost myself in this game, n i was searching for myself so desperately. I came across a couple of books that kinda tide me through the situation. One of them i find pretty enlightening is :: The Why are you here Cafe :: .


It's mentioned somewhere in there, finding the purpose of living. We have to find it ourselves.. The part i find it extremely true is about working on something u're not interested in. The vicious cycle is such that when we're not happy at work, we then use the money we earn to "reward" ourselves. As days go by, the more unhappy we get at work, then we use more money to "reward" ourselves materially. At the end of it, then we realise the void cannot be filled with material gains.. So why wait till then? We should do something we truly enjoy. For a start, set aside time to do something u really like once a week. Slowly make adjustments to doing it twice a week. Eventually you will be doing the thing u like full time.. That, is then, a happy n fulfilled life.

Indeed, there is no hard and fast rules to life. There can also be no answer to some events that take place. My conclusion from my 22 yr n 5 months of my life is that no matter what happens, be true to yourself.. love yourself and rejoice life.. Life is a matter of choice, like an irritating long list of MCQs. 1 wrong answer does not lead to a wrong path unless we allow it to. Sometimes no amount of will leads u to the way u want. But without the will, things will definitely not work ur way! The loser never quits.. n the quitter never wins.. So, DO IT, jus DO IT!


My current read remains :: EAT PRAY LOVE ::. If u're wondering why i seem to take eternal to finish reading, well this is one book i cant bear to finish reading. Haha... It provides me with much insights n comfort everytime i pick it up. The writing style is very personal, n i relate to it so well whenever i read it when i need some relieve, i feel so much better.. so Ladies, do pick it up at the bookstore or eBay if u're interested. ;)

今天心情很沉重。

* Happy Boxing Day! *

** Christmas Eve **

It's Christmas Eve. Are you people prepared for this beautiful day?

I just got home. Was at Joseph's place for a gathering. It was nice with some homecooked food n i bought sushi over. It's nice catching up with everyone since we dont really get to meet up that often. I'll upload pictures once i get them.

I head over to sis's place to keep her company a bit before midnight. We pigged in to a pint of Ben n Jerry's.. some lime chips.. and Ice wine. It's nice! ;) She got the DVD of Borat, so i caught it first hand. Frankly it isn't as funny as i expect. A little disgusting.. Kinda silly.. But it still is a nice flick to keep u entertained when u're really bored...

So what's my plan for the day? I will be doing some last min shopping in the afternoon, then have a wonderful dinner at Outback Steakhouse. Bought tickets to watch Night in the museum at 1130pm too. But what really matters is I'll be spending Christmas Eve with none other than my buddies... :D

The past few days has been quite emotional actually. But im trying not to let it affect the festive season n the people ard me.. At the end of it, to live ur life happily or not is decided by none other than ourselves isn't it? I will choose to be happy as far as possible..

• Yay^! •

It's been a great day out! Although it was super long n i'm super zonked out now...

Meet the boys (raymond, chick n rayner) at abt 11am n we started out shopping trip at Junction 8. We had lunch at 12noon, then move off to wisma. These boys brought me from Wisma to Ngee Ann City to Cineleisure to Centrepoint to Plaza Singapura to Vivocity... We conquered so many places!! At abt 230pm i left them for a while to go see my program coordinator n i finally got the knot in my heart untied. Now i know my options, i've decided to redo my module again in March. So now i dont feel so lost anymore. I can enjoy the holidays now! Yipee...~!! :D

Dinner at Sushi Tei, vivocity, was fantastic! Unexpectedly we gave ourselves a treat to a Snow Crab Hotpot.. see how we pig out.. ;) It's been long since i even took pictures... Check this out!

• Rain.. Rain.. Go away..•

The rain has been going on since yesterday afternoon. Not only it is depressing my morale, but also has caused much inconvenience to everyone on the move...

My day has been badly affected. Was on the way home from Novena with my super heavy laptop bag n lots of documents in 1 hand, with brolly in the other. There's nowhere i could have my dinner in peace so i decided to pack home.. At 7:45pm, i decided to take a train to bishan then get a cab from there. Who knows i was so "lucky" to queue behind a stink bomb! There goes all my appetite for my dinner...

Really hope the rain will stop soon.. n not affect our Christmas plans...

It is a bad monday night. I blame it on the depressing weather. It has been raining for the past 12 hours.

I couldn't sleep well last night bcos i kept having recurring dreams. Nightmares more like it actually. There were ppl after my life. Alot of running n killing. A bloody nightmare. I woke up with my heart pounding...

Today i feel damn wierd cos i cant stop pigging out. I raid my house for chocolates and savouries.. I was dying for ice-cream, but cos of e wet weather i couldn't buy it. In case i couldn't get a cab home on time..

Guess as it draws nearer to the New Year.. The more i realise i couldn't get over him. I kept getting flash backs of how i braved the rain on New Year's Eve to be with him the moment disaster strikes.. How we hugged n cried.. How he cried when he thought i was just about to leave him.. How i realise i never wanna do that after all..

Flash backs.. Memories.. Fresh streams of tears.. My mind kept playing back the beautiful times like a broke tape recorder.

I wish i could have him back.. But i've lost all rights.. I'll never be good enough for him again.

Just a lil' emo...

Feeling just a little bit emotional tonight.. Suddenly i realise 22nd is coming. "The day". I'm not sure what to say. But i'm listening to Landy - 祝我生日快乐。My best friends will know what's on my mind rite now..

Today has been pretty happening.. My trip to town was pretty fruitful. I got the info i needed for the painting lessons i was thinking of, i got some books from e library to aid my essay, i also went on a little shopping trip. ;) Country Road was having sale. I got myself a "very me" top..

Then i headed to grapevine to meet my buddies which i haven met in months. It's great to have almost everyone. Cindy couldn't make it cos she's resting at home. But no worries i'll catch up with her on saturday.. Tomorrow i'm gonna have another evening out with my friend Jeff. This nice boy is leaving to further his studies.. I wonder what i should get for him as a farewell gift. Hmm....

• No. 200 •

This is my 200th post for my blog. *CHEERS~!*

The past few days has been pretty lousy cos i've been plagued by UTI again.. ARGH! Trust me its painfully irritating and things are pretty bad this time n i'm nt sure what else to blame by my horrible essays that are waving to me with an evil grin.

Today was a big day at home cos we celebrated my mummy's bday in advance. It always feels good to have big family gatherings for special ocassions. I really am happy, but at e back of my head, i really am kinda worried.

Tmr i have to remember to call the specialist up to make appt for my mum to schedule her scan. She has been complaining of pain and discomfort.. we certainly cross our fingers its nothing to do with recurring tumours or whatever crap. We're making plans to take her travel while she still can. So all i ask for the coming new year is nothing to distrupt our plans..

Anyway the good news for this wk is that 2 of our german smokers got sold. I certainly look forward to more sales.. Will be getting our shipment by end of e coming week. I can then post classified ads ard supermarkets, etc.. anywhere tat has expats! ;)

• reflection •

I have been pretty disappointed with myself lately because i wasn't able to meet my assignment deadline and had to ask for an extension. This means my whole work schedule is now messed and even more cramped than b4..

It has been a struggle to pick up the phone to ring my course coordinator. I battled with myself to ask for the extension or not although i know it's impossible to have completed my work on time. My brain just wont listen. I just cant understand my readings despite countless of tries. I cant say i did my best, so i felt i've let myself down.

I cant deny the festive season is indeed a big temptation to just leave ur books aside. No i haven been shopping much. I cannot stand the crowd even on supposed "off-peak" hours. I have nothing to buy n not tempted to buy. But i cant help but wanna go out and take a walk bcos all i do at home is surf the net and sleep all day.. I have a pathetic life.

I feel i need to desperately do something to make my life better. I need to change and improve myself. I need a boost in brain power and concentration. I have been drinking chicken essence religiously. Somehow i find it so difficult to manage my rhetorics module cos it makes me feel kinda dumb.. *bleah* Maybe june is right. I need to get a little smarter too!

Tonight i get to be alone and spend some time with myself. These days i rarely get the time n it became a form of luxury to me. I like it when i can be alone in my room, doing things i enjoy and writing freely.. Quiet times like this, the memory train just sweeps u up unknowingly and takes u down memory lane.

Ard the same time last year, i was in bangkok to attend a convention. It ended up to be the most amazing trip in my life i doubt i'll ever forget, even in the next few lifetimes to come. For that, i thank God for the wonderful memories in my life.

• The Sickly Sobstory •

Its the end of the week again. I'm feeling so sluggish these days i think i'm falling sick. Can feel the "heat" trapped within me.. n when it's let out, i'll prolly be down with high fever or something.. ZZZzzz...

Finally, i got to watch Lakehouse last nite on dvd. Got kinda emotional.. cos when it was running in e cinemas, "we" were suppose to catch it together, but somehow we missed it. It's a beautiful film. I'm glad i caught it eventually.

Have anyone felt u already fell in love with someone even b4 u met each other? I did. N indeed it was magical.. so magical n beautiful the memories last a lifetime. At the end of it, life is all about memories isn't it? Often i imagine what its like at the final moments of our times here. I'm pretty sure the beautiful memories we had here will make anyone reluctant to leave this place.

If i die tomorrow, i will regret...

• ... i didn't put in enough effort for my assignments!
• ... not telling my parents how much i love them.
• ... i always fail to make my fitness plan work! :P
• ... i didn't spend enough time with my pets.
• ... i have so much unfulfilled dreams..

• Friday •

Almost end of the week.. I've been horribly unproductive with my work bcos i simply cannot concentrate. I can only pray next week when the pressure sinks in, somehow i will churn something up. *crossing fingers n toes!*

I spent e last 2 days setting up the site for our german smokers.. n finally its done! I certainly look forward to the first sales.. So dear friends and whoever that reads, pls do visit our site i-candee and spread the words pls..