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A little update on claudia..

i jus undertook a voluntary position with Singapore Prisons and i'm looking forward to this very new experience for myself. i cannot afford to commit too much time at the moment, but the first meeting fascinates me quite a bit and i'm pretty much looking forward to doing my tiny part. i'm glad my profession can be put to a good cause. i'll be involved with events, n maybe some marketing and promotions for e events..

as for why volunteering at the prisons of all other organizations and communities, i'd say its an opportunity that came knocking on the door and i cant think of any reasons to say no. i try my best not to use 'busy' as an excuse to anyone or anything.. it so happened i applied to do this last year during my recuperating period but they never got back to me until an entire year later. nevertheless i'm still enthusiastic cos somehow i think it sounds quite exciting. i believe in the goodness of mankind and wish to do my part for those who wish a second chance..

so apart from the voluntary work, this entire week i'm having lessons form tues to fri.. n on fri nite, i'll be leaving for redang with my buddies.. so looking forward to this trip. needed a break badly from all the stress!

Feelings of Blue

my dreams.. they're happening again. overwhelmed by a tsunami of bittersweet emotions and memories first thing in the morning. the dream left me feeling so drained i couldn't pluck myself outta bed. i knocked out till 1pm.

i've been busy and occupied enough. i've let it all go. completely. it mus be damn koobin's fault. chat till 430am with him n its all abt him n his ex. it mus be that! i wasn't even reminiscing about my past.

'he' came back into my life again in my very long dream. for a split moment it's all so familiar as i lay in bed with my eyes closed. i gave myself 5 seconds to linger at that moment, then snapped back to reality by the damn phone under the pillow. i'm late for appointment.

Pictures Galore

alot more pictures from elaine's camera...
for now lets jus cheers to the end of the birthday week...



audrey, austin, jonah, koobin.. thanks for the lovely surprise @ cafe del mar..
junie of cos i haven forgotten u.. thanks you for the hufflehump thou u're away in europe!

i'll take a better pic of hufflehump soon! :D

Happy Bird Day

It's 24/7. It's Claudia's birthday..



24 hrs later, it's Elaine's birthday..




Happy bird day.. hurr...

Lovely Friday

continuing from previous post.. so wat's on for friday nite? my dearies gave me a big surprise..

the supposed plan of rounding all my lovelies at cafe del mar on the 21st was canceled cos few of them are going for some marathon today. was disappointed actually, cos was so looking forward to it during the really horrible mugging period. who knows when its nearing then realize my plan couldn't fall through.

so after our very late dinner at the orchard hawker, we headed home. austin says car needed petrol. so we headed to river valley direction. as we chat along.. i found myself travelling from river valley to bt merah to telok blangah. claudia got conned! we are heading to cafe del mar! its such a sweet surprise.. :)

so let e pics do e talking instead..

i cant thank em enough for the lovely surprise. great cake + booze + fantastic company. wat else can i ask for life?

oh actually if there has to be, it'd be to have audrey the big slut to stop acting camera shy.. who doesn't take picture with the birthday girl? some kinda friend.. by the way my guess is she is the mastermind behind the surprise. what kinda wierdo am i hanging out with? lolz...

it's a do or die thing. either u take a proper picture... or i tickle u..



then tat's it! i'm posting the ugly pictures and hope they irritate miss audrey viviana ng shu rong! :P

lalalalallaaaaaa........

It's friday. Last of the working week. The tension from the piled up assignments are letting loose slowly. N it always happens the moment i have some free space.. it's like u've been holding your breathe for the longest time. U really wanna let it go. But u told yourself 2 more seconds, another 2 more.. u can do it.. Then u finally let it go.. the sudden vacancy in the lungs send msg to the brains and before u know, u need to take in air again..

Have classes this week packed from tuesday to friday. My dinner time for the past 3 nights has been at past 11pm. Tuesday we went to Haig road market, having frog leg porridge.. Wednesday we were at the 24 hrs Orchard Hawker next to Meridien Hotel, having sambal stingray, bbq chicken wings etc.. N just hours ago we were having teochew porridge at Upper Serangoon.. i love food! yummy.. hehee.. food makes me happy. no food makes me grumpy n cranky. I wonder where we are heading for friday night...

Taking things for granted

these days i kept feeling i got taken for granted.

i may not be the best best best best friend of yours.
i may not be the best best best colleague u got.
i am definitely not the best best best best person around..
but i really dont think i'm anywhere near being a lousy friend or a lousy working partner.

when u block out a date for something, be it for work, for school, or for pleasure, isn't the whole point tat certain day or tat certain period of the day meant to be committed to that something? what is the point of blocking out that day, then compromise with the fact that u've already blocked it out.. because 'u thought' the time wont clash. because 'u forgot' to take into consideration traveling time, buffer time, etc.. or because there is something on the next day so u decided to compromise today's commitment? what has commitment become?

the funny thing is i am always being compromised. is it because i am not assertive enough to get things done my way? or is it simply i'm being taken for granted? or maybe i'm simply not important enough.

how often do we take things for granted and only regret in bitterness we did not treasure what we have in hand? i know i am no better when it comes to taking the physical things for granted.

i'm trying my best to thank the sun for rising each day. to thank my parents for having me. to thank my comfortable life being overly comfortable.. *lolz*.. to thank my well-being.. to thank my physically-abled body...

There is no miracles in this world when it comes to achieving your goals. Only pure hardwork, labour and commitment will make your dreams come true!

Procrastination is like a poison. The moment you allow it to creep into you, its so hard to shrug it off! So the moment u shrug it off, u better not let it overcome u again!

The Ad that Made My Day

was reading a writeup in creative review this morning and i decided to check the microsite out.. n i was pleasantly surprised with the ad.. so pleasant i cant stop smiling cos its soooo nice! all sugar n spice.. sweet n nice..


http://www.newfabia.co.uk/

http://www.weareideas.com/blog/2007/05/bake-skoda.html




for your info, the car is made of half a tonne of cake! i got the adrenaline rush to wanna bake after seeing the ad.. hee... so lovely!

oh oh! Can i introduce my new pal? this cute penguin is call 'pinggu'.. sis bought for me from hong kong.. i thought its so cute! hehee.. can be buddy buddy with my purpledee and Elmo on my bed. heheee.... the family is growing!

haha.. i'm mad!

lots of laments and random thoughts..

today claudia's wire tripped. claudia lost her sanity and questions about everything that is going on with her life.

i screwed up client's work so bad i adopted the 'escapist's' easy way out. i gave excuses and shunned from making more changes and offering more help, then shut the world away from me. how fucking loser can that be? it jus happens, no justification, no reasons.. i got labelled unprofessional. i dont think i'm unprofessional. perhaps irresponsible for leaving the job as it is. or perhaps i'm just not good enough for the working world. i'm not sure.

apart from work, other drastic stuffs took place.. i found all the suppressed emotions unleashed at the worst moment.. when i'm out n i gotta keep making changes to the damn final art.. while the tears just flows uncontrollably. the cruelty of this world is such that it never stops moving. not even when ur entire world is crumbling.. simply bcos the rest of the world is not crumbling. so even if u crumble its ur own damn business. no one can help or make u feel better until u work u way out of it.

i needed to get away from the phone tat wont stop ringing. needed to get away from my mailbox that wont stop receiving new mails.. so i head to the spa for 1 hr to ease my headache..

ironic thing is that the moment i got out of the spa then i realised my headache has gotten so bad that my vision was blurred. i walked damn slowly.. till i called dad to pick me up. it jus kept getting worse, till my forehead was throbbing.. i downed 2 panadols n lay in bed, regretting going for massage cos apparently it made things worse.. napped for less than 2 hrs, i found myself sitting at kallang macs again.. only got get home at 5am for an unproductive night.

claudia really wonders wat is going on with her life. it seems that i've done so much this week, but actually i haven done anything much at all. its friday again. i really wish time will jus slow down a bit. it always seem before i can even catch up with my work, its an entirely new day again. i dont even dare to fall asleep too deeply in case i waste too much time sleeping.

it seems like i may have to defer modules again. feel like i'm such a loser. at work i try my best best best to get things straight. most of my jobs just get on well.. of cos there are exceptions like this one that i just screwed up. but i know i'm most confident and aggressive when it comes to work. but when it comes to studies, i'm just never making it. i cannot let myself down again.. so claudia pls buck up and do ur best. put studies at first priority and get the tough period over and done with..

stop losing it and start making it!!

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Have random thoughts racing in my mind when i started thinking about myself n my life..

perspectives of life has changed quite a bit since a year ago.. claudia is still claudia. some traits are just inborn and unchangable no matter how perspectives changes from time to time..

have always taken my work seriously.. no doubts about that.. thankfully rather, i've not started doubting about the path i chose in terms of career..

my take on relationships have changed quite a bit though.. generally i think i've been pretty chill about everything in life already. cool as a cucumber. hurr..

family.. it's ever important.. ever thankful for having the bestest daddy in the world.. a mummy that presents me with the tough lessons of life. its a fair mix of love and hate for the situations. despite the trials she can put me in at times, she never fails to melt my heart with her little gestures of love.. constant reminder to eat.. constant questioning to check i have spending money.. i regret not spending enough time with her and not giving her sufficient attention at times..

friendship.. i miss the days where i put my friends on top of the list right after family. its not they're not important anymore, just that i've learnt to be alot more chill abt handling them. everyone has their own life and their own priorities. so i've no longer expect them to prioritize friendship on the top of their lists. different friend teaches me different stuff about life. i treasure each and every one of them. if i were to say, i guess i'd never stop placing friendship above love.. cos i suppose i've figured my best love would come from the best friendship ever.. i'm looking forward nevertheless i'm pretty skeptical abt love for now.

all tat lovey dovey stuff jus turns me off so much. there r times i imagine with the kinda life i lead now, how nonsensical and dreading it'll be to have a relationship now. having to let e other party know where i am out of 'respect' for e relationship.. cos its abt 'us' n no longer me n u.. it's kinda sick to me. i'm such a damn individualist that sort of long for a no-strings attached kinda relationship.. yet not the sleazy kinda fuck buddy.. that is if anyone ever know wat i'm talking abt.. till then, a committed relationship ain't the slice of cake or the cuppa tea for me at the moment.. there are so much planning of starting my studio.. for my career to take flight.. so much self improvement.. so much things i wanna try and do.. sometimes the commitment to someone is jus so taxing..

guess firstly i need to sort my life out before i can involve a second person. i do wish i have a more normal 9-5 life.. not only starting my day at 1pm and ending it at 6am.. i wish i can be a more productive person.. i wish to improve my command of language.. in terms of business writing? or something along e same line.. i wish to become a professional of my trade, not a jack of all trade master of none.. i wish i have more cash to get gadgets like graphic tablet, mac pro and a great dslr... who ever stops wishing for it anyway?

i hate to realise i'm taking up jobs for the money and not for the passion.. guess at the pragmatic level, the best i can ask for is to have at least 50% of my work base on passion and e rest for the sake of money.. i hate to slog for money. cos having to work till 12am for a damn job is plain stupid and having to work till even 6am for passion is jus never enough!

complains.. i just can go on forever and ever isn't it?

..working..

working never fail to provoke my thoughts on the way i perceive people.. the different clients i meet, the ppl i work with.. some of them drives me nuts. some i learn a great deal from them. some set me on my toes while working with them.. they give me alot of mixed feelings abt wat i do..

i am passionate abt my work and i try as best i can to do my best and be very professional about my work. but like life itself, working demands alot of two-way communication.. takes 2 hands to clap. there are times when im doing the right things, they still dont turn out the right way, simply because the other hand is not coordinating with me the right way..

technology has advanced so much it allows me to work anywhere and everywhere. much as i'm thankful for it, there's just as much hate. like i just got home at 730am this morning, and i haven been able to sleep for more than half an hour, cause client bugs me since 9am.. it's not because i made a grave mistake on the art work, but because she is not willing to make the tiny changes requested by clients, simply because she dont want to be responsible for any mistakes on the design work.. so there are about 10 emails exchanged since morning till now - 340pm, 6 hours wasted on tiny changes which she could have used her common sense to solve those problems.. and at the end of it still put me in the bad light, telling me there is a missing link.. 'can u send the missing file again?'...

there is no missing file. i preflight the folder with precision. everything is zipped up. how can there be a missing file when its zipped into 1 archive?

and there's the client who plays with words so much, every email i send, every word i say, i gotta be on my toes. he is so good with playing ard with words. a simple 'approval' i need, he can reply me, sounding on the surface he has approved it, but still with loop holes such tat if dispute arises, he can still save his ass and argues he has not approved it. pretty amazing if u ask me.

its an art.. the art of email wars...