meeting on monday was postponed till tuesday.

tuesday's meeting was cancelled too. job was suppose to be still on though.. i have this feeling client still expects us to deliver product on time even when he is not contactable and 'meetable'..

went to national library to render my final art in the evening. it was a productive 3 hrs. i shld try to do my work there more often. i overlooked the time and was late to meet ade n cindy for my late dinner @ grapevine.. after i head home, it was an entire night of illustrating and rendering.. very productive.. i wonder why i cant be this productive when it comes to my essays...

anyhoo it was a great wednesday for me today, cos despite a very stressful wednesday early morning and afternoon, i met my dearies elaine n chick in the evening to catch a movie and dinner... u dunno how looking forward i am to the supposed holiday chick is planning..

despite e disappointments i had on e boys earlier, catching up feels the same again. perhaps its the kinda comfort zone tat's hard to leave.. in front of them i can be myself. no pretense, no prim n proper.. jus be myself cos i know i'm so accepted for who i am.. i'm ever thankful for their presence in my life..

Moments before... zzz...

A lot of thoughts crossed my mind before i hit the sacks.

Wonder if there'll be meeting tomorrow.. cos if its called off, it means there's no job for the coming month, and efforts put into drafting has gone to waste. I really need some income though, cos expenses were pretty high the past week. Bought a new wireless mouse. That set me back by $120 already.. plus it's time to restock on daily necessities, so that's another hole..

I have a report due tomorrow. So i need to get some work done before the scheduled meeting and immediately after tat...

I really would like to go on a holiday.. but it seems impossible for the time being. Apart from work schedule, new term of school is starting as well. So i'll need to get all my overdue assignments over and done with before the new pile of work overwhelm me again. I'll also need to get a full time job soon.. else i'll be grazing on the grass patches pretty soon. Mooo.....

Hate to be dried up financially. Especially so for month of July.. *big sigh*

It's worse to know i have 2 wedding dinners to attend.. 2 BIG birthday presents to prepare.. *feeling faint..*

Fine.. end of lamenting. good nite world..

i dreamt of

penguins

coming through my balcony door this morning...

have i gone insane?

anyhoo they are so damn cute..! hahaa....

It's freaky. I had another nightmare last night. This time it's even more wierd. I think stress is driving me a little cranky.

Maybe cranky is an understatement.

Bloody hell it's technically saturday already! have yet to complete my work yet...

zzzzzzzz.........

wierd and strange

Feeling exceptionally drained out last nite. So heck all the work on hand, i went to sleep pretty early last nite

perhaps its cos while i was having dinner @ esplanade, the NDP rehearsal tat took place reminded me 'it mus be a busy period for him now'.. had been a long while since i got reminded of him again.

fell asleep in e car on the way home. feeling sooooo lethargic. i head straight to brush my teeth e moment i got out of car, intending to plonk straight into bed right after..

brushing my teeth actually reminded me of us then. our straight white teeth. hur hurr..

tossed and turned on bed for a short while. had strange thoughts running through my head and this one got me:

typically guys who became my buddy don't treat me like a lady. guess i haven recover from the pretty freaky trip through streets of geylang with the two boys - austin n jonah.. then i went DAMN! they really dont treat me like 1. lolz.. n it made me miss him a little cos he never fail to treat me like 1 even when we were buddies.

nevertheless i slept well through till 7am when my alarm woke me up. i fell back to sleep and fell into a really strange dream.. shan't go into details cos it's really quite strange, and to 'protect privacy' of those involve, hur hur...

the dream jus got me to think about the way i felt in it.. its indeed pretty strange.. *hmmmm...*

I feel this pressure being pressed down onto my chest.. making it a little hard to breath.

I feel my heart palpitating. It has gone beyond the temporary type where it goes away after either we get stimulated by excitement or fear.. It has been racing non stop since many hours ago.

Head is in a blank. Not sure wat i'm suppose to think. Cant really bring myself to talk abt what happened exactly the day before. But mum's sick again.

I just know its wednesday today and i need to submit drafts tomorrow for work.

Client's nonsense is an addition to my mental and emotional stress. No replies from them. i'm not being supplied with images and the text is pathetically little for their job.

So am i proceeding on with work or not? i feel damn sick.

Procrastinating or Plain tired?

Cant seem to differentiate if i'm procrastinating again or i'm plain worn out mentally.. Haven done much over the weekend apart from keeping my work up on schedule.. spent the most time drafting contract and quotation. and in less than 24 hrs i'll know if i'll be richer for july or not..

it was father's day yesterday.. i feel sorry i didn't do/get anything for my dad. all on the reason i've got no money and no time. i know its not the best excuse ever.. yes i felt guilty.. but i guess i'd try to make it up? hmm...

hopefully this coming week would be more productive, since from e way i look at it, i've been taking it pretty easy the entire last week..

shld i do yoga tmr? Hmm....

T G I Friday

Thank God its Friday.

Day started @ 830am. popped outta bed cos running late for 10am meeting. first meeting with new client today. we were not supposed to be late. but it started pouring dogs n cats at 9am.. by the time austin beat the jam to pick me up, then jam our way to commonwealth.. then get lost in the very complicated area, we only reach the office at 11am! one entire hour late.. lolz..


i'm actually very very pack for time this period of time and there's no time for freelance work. but unfortunately my reserves have hit the red lights, i need to work else i'll literally go hungry for july.

so while i review schedule, i started to panic cos both studies n work schedule are very very tight.

yet when i look back at my day and my life, i'm thankful for everything tat has taken place...

despite the downpour and the horrible traffic on the roads, i have a nice partner who chauffeurs me all the way from the east without complains.. so i got to meeting still dry and looking good.

despite the schedule, i'm damn lucky to rope in a partner to share the freelance work load else i can never handle it alone.

i felt exceptionally thankful to get to make some good contacts wherever i go. the printer i'm working with is my ex working place. whenever i need to outsource something, i'm able to depend on my contacts to get me through tight deadlines and rush jobs. my ex boss motivated me quite a bit today when i gave her a call after my meeting.. she identified it was my passion tat keeps me going. i'm not sure how true is tat but it definitely gave me a good boost of motivation.

in terms of studies, i made very nice classmates who supports me along the way.. we complain and we bitch.. n we motivate n help each other in whatever means we can..

this period of time, i've learnt to change quite a bit in terms of my perspective for life, the attitude i adopt and the mentality i possess to managing my time n life. somehow i realise in everything we do, if we do it right and do it well, we'll reap something out of it. u may not see e results soon. but along the way of life we just might.. :)

For some strange reason i feel upset after hearing wat a dear fren says abt himself..

i treasure my friends alot. sometimes i feel they dont treasure me as i did. sometimes i feel i'm so right about some things. but in actual fact i am not.

i wish for my loved ones to be happy every single day.

i realise most of the time, when we look beyond and probe deeper, we realise the reason behind our unhappiness is from the choices we make. ultimately we choose the way we live, we are who we are due to our choice.

we bound to make mistakes along the way and make wrong choices. what matters is we make the best out of the worst and learn something out of it. that way we gain something from the wrong we've done. when the wrong choice affects the ppl ard u, pls gather ur courage and apologise. admit your wrongs and make peace. this way we do not leave behind regrets. never mind if u are forgiven or not. what matters is u make it ur integrity to admit ur mistakes and move on from there.

alot of things actually are given to us not by our own choice. so we are given only 2 choices here. u treasure wat u have, be it good or bad, or u live with the unhappiness for rest of ur life. sometimes what seems like its e worst u can ever get, ain't tat bad after all. e.g. my mum is not sound mentally at times. i cannot change the fact. we can only keep trying to improve the situation. i can choose to do it willingly and live without regrets in future or i can adopt the escapist attitude. out of sight, out of mind. 1 day mum leaves us. we will shed tears. the heart will bleed too. so i chose to believe she is the reason that brings my sister and my dad closer to me. i realise their importance in my life and that brought me back when i wandered off my path.

how often have u heard of the phrase 'dont take things for granted'?

everyone heard b4. everyone knows wat it means. but do we practice it as well as we know it?

i'm trying very hard to be thankful for every single little things around me. it began with the many many nights of mugging from dusk till dawn.. i hear the birds chip, squirrels on the trees.. dawn breaks. i told myself thank you for such a lovely morning. everything is beautiful and peaceful. i wish time stops there and then.

i wait for the striking chord to sound when i hit the on button on the laptop. i thank god when i hear it n pray its smooth e entire day.

when we finish studying, it has became an 'auto' thing to head to austin's car and we'll be on the way back to my place before the equally zonked out friend makes his way home. i always enjoy the conversations onboard cos i always leave learning something new from him. i nv take that nice gesture for granted. n i appreciate the effort despite the verbal abuses we hurl at each other when we bicker.

today has been unproductive cos i think my brain got zonked out from nite b4. we stayed till 830am n only slept at 930am.. i got woken up by 130pm by mum. ran errands and did some work stuff.. n its back to macs again. i'm indeed tired now hopefully after a good sleep i'll have a productive thursday..

elaine and june has been on my mind e entire day.. elaine's away for retreat. i hope she returns recharged and gain some insights on life. i really want u to be happy and more positive babe!

at 330am i wanted to give junie a ring.. but on second thought i jus made a call few days back. scared phone bill gets to me at end of e month and give me heart attack.. hmm.. i always yearn to hear from my dearies when im slightly down..

oh n i did call audrey day b4.. but the time jus didn't work out for us.. i'm sooooo lookin forward to spending quality times with my lovelies.. n not having to worry abt sch or work at all... jus for a short short while.. can??

hmm... sleepy time for now folks...

may the day break into yet another beautiful day...

Understanding

How much do we understand the people around us?

Almost too often we make hasty generalization and judge things base on our own perception. But does it mean what we think means it's the real situation and real fact? I guess if we never doubt our judgment, then we'll never bother to go probe and verify with the real truth.

Today raymond n i had a conversation on msn. somehow our conversation led to me telling him the boys are missing in action, esp chick. His reply to me was that its cos i'm busy thus they decided to leave me alone.. does tat sounds logical?

I'm not sure actually. more than 10 yrs of friendship.. i actually wonder if u guys understand me a tiny bit? dont be mistaken i'm not getting emotional. on the contrary i'm thinking abt this issue in the most objective angle.



the picturesque inside me remains unchanged despite the storm going on in my physical environment. everything is calm and peaceful within me. the pool of water is still. the trees sway briefly in the light breeze. it is so quiet. so quiet i can hear my own heartbeat. feel the energy flowing within my body... i'm enjoying the silence..

Updates

Yesterday was Junie's birthday.. I miss my dear pal. Anyhoo i made a call to UK. We haven spoke for countless months. Gotta keep things short and sweet though.. Besides she was on her way out to have fun la! Hahaa....

Here's a recap of our good old times when she was back in town last year! Just in time for my bird day..




PR assignment 1 - due 18th May (Friday)
CRR lecture 18th to 20th May (Fri - Sunday)
AIIA assignment 2 - due 20th May (Sunday)
CRR assignment 1 - due 25th May (Friday)
Austin's bird day - 25th May (Friday)
Clairr's wedding - 26th May (Saturday)
PR assignement 2 - due 1st June (Friday) **late**
Sister's wedding - 5th June (Tuesday)
CRR assignment 2 - 8th June (Friday) **late**
June's bird day - 10th June (Friday)
CM assignment 3 - 18th June (Monday)
CRR assignment 3 - 22nd June (Friday)
AIIA assignment 3 - 10th June (Friday) *22nd June (Friday)
PR assignement 3 - 6th July (Friday)

5 very major papers due within this month.. Sounds like a nightmare but actually i'm not thinking. no time to think anyway...

Have lots to say but i haven go time and mood to update. So lets jus keep it simple and pretend life is great and smooth and i just gotta keep going. There just ain't no time to even stop and think. In a sense it's good cos there's no lamenting or wallowing in self-pity.. Or is it somehow i've gotten stronger? Whichever it is.. i'm getting on pretty well despite being busy busy and more busy....

Almost half of 2007 has passed. It's about time i do a recap on my new year resolutions! If i haven achieve them, i still have time to make things happen and save myself from having regrets..

Updates

Been studying out every single day since last wed.. Every single day till dawn.. How come the work jus seems never ending? Hur hur.. i have another 4 weeks to go to be exact!

We are about 14 hrs away from my sister's big day. My room is still in a mess! My work is still half done.. Nevertheless of course i'm looking forward to my sister's big day.

We had a nailspa party as our favourite nail place at Sgoon Gardens. But unfortunately the supposed party for 6 end up only 3 including my sis n me made it. But we had a good time on our own nevertheless!

My mac crashed on friday night. Entire harddisk crashed all of a sudden, without any warning. In the midst of my mad assignment rushing period. But i took it pretty calmly. Almost too calm for me to believe. Haha..!

Anyway Austin was such a good spot to tide me through and actually helped me revive my dear macbook... So thank God it's up and running again. I bought a new harddisk. Damage was $200. What to do? I still lost quite alot of important data anyway.. But i jus gotta leave all the servicing till end of june. Hopefully i'd be able to recover the damaged disk.

So it's back to the issue of friends. In times of need, u see who are the real friends around you. Despite only 3 turn up for the spa party, we still had to pay for 6 since its a special arranged party with food and beverages. Some ppl gave excuses almost too lame to be true for the spa party. Gone to PC show? It has been running since thursday.. the party has been scheduled since 2 weeks ago. This is really rude and goes to show how much the friendship means to the person?

I'm really grateful to have a great fren saved my day. He drove down from Kallang where we usually studies.. to come fix my lappy at almost 2am. Actually after setting up the new harddisk, realise the logic board also have some problems. So it might crash on me anytime also. He is so nice actually offer to let me use his macbook if i need to send for servicing...

Most of the time we can suan each other non stop, literally from dusk till dawn! Since we've been mugging daily.. Bloody bitch.. Stupid bitch.. Slut.. Whore.. Tat's how we hurl abuses at each other. Hurr.. But when it comes to the serious stuff he switches to his serious mode n render help instantly and generously. Really Very grateful to have a great fren! (of cos cannot let him know this! he doesn't read blogs.. else his head will swell n he'll suan me even more. Hurrr...)

Then there's dearie Audrey.. she stones and sleeps the weekend away while we slog our arses out. Procrastinating.. For once Claudia serves as a good purpose and actually motivates Audrey the mugger u know! Feel so proud of myself. Hahaa... n after talking things through n clearing her doubts, i think she's back on work mode again.. Then again i cant be sure, since she's always in lalaland.. Hurrr...

n of cos.. how can i forget my dearie Elaine.. she is going to be my sister's sister.. n of cos she is also my sister.. lolz. How complicated! i know Junie is thumping on her chest now.. Why she cant be ard. Haha.. else she'll be a sister for my sister too! It's ok babe! when 1 of u two get married then we'll have lots to do too! Hehee...

i'm sure we'll have lots of pictures to take for tomorrow.. meanwhile i better go back to e packing.. my sis cannot get married in a pig's sty! Hahaa... Cheers! it's gonna be another very long day for me....