Tuesday, July 29, 2008

What's ur regret?

Turning 24.. I cant help but feel a tad of disappointment in myself. No longer young, and there's simply no time left to fool around anymore. Especially after all that has happened for the past few months. The reality is scaring me. Looking back, I have so many regrets.. Imagine today's the last day for me. Man.. I'll be so pissed off with myself for not trying hard enough all my life!

The priorities of life.

My loved ones are always on the top of my list. The mistake I made was that, I didn't learn to manage the situations well enough. I didn't learn to multitask effectively. Hence I always end up giving up all other aspects of life, jus to focus on one, which actually is not right. Life is about striking a balance.. But I don't regret. Cos aspects like studies and career, I can pursue it anytime. Things like ur family and ur loved ones, once u lose them, u may never get it back..

Everyone's priorities in life is different.

When my partner told me he may need to get a full-time position soon, I knew I had to work out a path for myself. I did not ask him to hang on any longer than he wish, cos for the past few months, it has been really hard on him, and I'm thankful I'm able to leave all operations to him and trust all is safe in his hands.. What more can I ask from a partner like this?

I thought this may not be a bad thing. Maybe we'll jus close the studio down, I'll complete my studies, then get a job and start off again in some marketing/communications position. Getting a regular day job has it's perks too. Stable income, no overheads, no utility bills, there's allowance and benefits.. etc etc..

But is this what I want in my life?

I said, I'll walk away from this start up without regrets if things dont work out. But not when I've not worked hard enough for it. I give myself only this 1 chance.. 1 shot.. If I don't try to make it, I never know if i ever can. There's no right time. There's only now..

Sometimes we gotta take chances at the things that matters to us.

The fact that my mum has made it this far, it occurs to me I still have the chance to make up for the regrets I may have. At the very least, I want to graduate with pride, let her know I have the ability to run a small business and be self sufficient. Her little girl has grown up and she no longer needs to worry abt me.

Sat in office with partner today, and sort out our plans for the near future. Actually things aren't that bad. It's jus that we have quite an amount of money that's floating out there.. Bad debts that we need to chase them back. We also have a couple of strong leads that looks quite promising.. So I just hope that all turns well soon for us, so that we may not have to part ways after all.

I'll hate to have to start all over to find another partner. Not just someone who shares a common goal and vision, but someone u're able to work with through thick and thin.. What I fear the most? Someone immature and dependent, and I literally have to chase after him/her like a crazy and naggy mother goose! (This goes the same for relationships.. Cant express it enough, how glad I am to be single and carefree, and free to pursue my goals and realise my dreams...)

So so.. I really hope things start getting better for me soon, so I can get back to school and work, and hopefully b4 I hit my quarter-life crisis (25 yrs), I'm able to show some results to myself and not just useless like how I turn 24 this year.

11:19 PM 0 comments

Monday, July 28, 2008

F.B.T.

It all started with getting FBT shirts for the Bintan trip for that 'synchronized' look.
Now FBT has all new meanings to my dearies and me!

We are the FBT group/clique/gang.. (whatever u call it..)
FBT = Forever Boliao Together

and today, I figured FBT is also our Fantabulous Bintin Trip! So cool...!! Hurrr.... :D



We had a fantastic bbq dinner.. All thanks to Elaine for making all the arrangements! The food was simply great! Tell me how to not get fat...






Great views of lovely Bintan's Kelong..






Cheers to 11 years of friendship that's overloaded with laughters and whole lot of nonsense that don't make sense! Hur hur.. We sure live up to our name, Forever Boliao Together!

... more pics to come after I consolidate them!

10:45 PM 0 comments

Friday, July 25, 2008

Happy Birthday to me!

Happy get-old Day to moi... I feel old.. 24 years OLD.. But the birthday celebrations still feel the same. We always laugh till we get cramps.. And each year jus gets better and better!

Thank you my dearies for the lovely flowers and gifts.. I love each of them to bits!


Pretty flowers... I love them as much as I love u boys! Hehehe...

Rayner made these earrings himself.. So touched! Really appreciate the effort..!


And this pretty make up palette ! The box reads, "Realness of Concealness - Mini 'fake it' kit".. June u really know what I need..! My panda eyes really need them.. Hehehe.. I'm jus worried it's so cute, I cant bear to bring myself to use them..!!

The toiletry set is so nice too.. JUST IN TIME FOR BINTAN TRIP! :D

There's a lot more pictures to show! Once I get them from Elaine i'll show them off here.. :D

And it's past midnight.. It's also ELAINE's birthday today!! My dear best friend.. I'm glad to have u celebrate our birthdays together every year since we were 13.. Haha.. It's scary how time flies... 11 precious years and more to come...

Now i'm super looking forward to our Bintan trip on Saturday! Hello to the Sun, the Sea and the Sand.. And all the fishes in the ocean.. I'm gonna say hello very soon.. !! :D

It has been some time since I have something so happy and nice to share.. It's just great things are changing for the better.. Let's hope things will keep the way it is...! :)

1:22 AM 0 comments

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Randomly random

Happy birthday to me..

I'm now 1 year to being a quarter centurian.. That's my sister's not very flattering birthday msg to me.. Thank you.. Hur hur..

Today I watched the 1st movie with my dad u know!! I thought it was so cool... Hehee... We hardly have such family time together.. It's really nice.. It's probably the best birthday present this year! :D

12:58 AM 0 comments

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Blessed Life..

While i'm lamenting about getting older yet again.. I'm also glad to feel more and more blessed as the days go by. It's not that life suddenly became problem-free, but i've learnt to count my blessings. Even adversities became blessings in disguise. Of cos there'll still be times that I wish i'm less broke and have more than 24 hrs a day.. Normal la! I'm human after all..

So so.. My 1st bday present came from Audrey in early March. More than 4 months ahead in time.. See! I said i'm truly blessed..

And last month, I got a sleek and chic new handphone from my sister.. The brand new C902 camera phone.. How lucky! And surprisingly, my bro gave me an ang bao yesterday too. Well I guess no matter what, family will always be family.. :)

Now i've got myself a new Coach wristlet, though I didn't like the colour very much initially, guess i'm growing into it now. If the old one was not stolen, I'd have parted with my money and have a gleaming new one sitting next to me now.

And I guess the biggest gift I got from God was to have my mum by my side this year.. I really thought I wouldn't be able to have her with me anymore earlier this year. My prayers are answered, so now I will be more faithful to my religion for answering my plea.. Keep the promises I made, and keep hoping mum can really tide over this ordeal and be there to witness of my yet-to-born niece Rianne.. :)

1:47 PM 0 comments

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Random

Have something random to relate to..

I've been bumping into this random stranger again and again.. I kept wondering if it's pure coincidence, or is it really fate? If u were me, would u go forward and say hello?

The 1st time, I was lusting over the pretty bags in the display case.. He's a service staff of this luxury brand retail store.

The 2nd time, he was in front of me in the queue at the ATM.

The 3rd time, I was crossing the road to Takashimaya. He was in front of me again..

And today, I spot him from afar again.. How strange is this?

what are the chances of spotting a familiar face in the crowd, again and again? I wonder...

p.s. I'm definitely not stalking him ok... :P

11:42 PM 0 comments

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Story of Joy

My mum's operation ended at abt 7pm and was quite successful. Managed to remove more than 60% of her tumour, despite losing alot of blood. Hence surgeon decides to cut short the surgery.

When I saw her at 8pm, we're amazed by her recovery. Though still under anesthesia, she was conscious and cried the moment she saw my dad and me. She recognized us instantly.. She is simply amazing..

What I really learnt is that at times, we need to take a chance on the people or things that matters to us. Never give up.. Keep believing in miracles, but dont forget to accept every bit of life, good or bad..

Along this journey, I felt alone at times. But i really learn to put the letter 'I' aside, and replace it with 'U' and 'They' more often. I'm glad I made the right decision to keep seeking for different professional medical opinions.. When I finally met the surgeon who's willing to perform the op, i began to worry that if the op fails, i'd feel responsible for the failure. The mental pressure is always there, and it's something only few are able to empathize with the situation.

I cant express enough how grateful my family and I am to this surgeon.. Taking on a case that another surgeon has rejected takes more than courage, but a whole lot of passion, belief and faith to take the patient and my family through this ordeal. I'm also very thankful to those who responded promptly when I seek referrals for neurosurgeons..

From the discovery of mum's condition, to her long long hospitalisation period, to her slipping into coma, to being prepared for the worst to come, to not giving up and the continual search for surgeons.. This journey is really like a roller coaster ride..

9:22 PM 0 comments


Irreplaceable

The Coach wristlet i used as my wallet got pick-pocketed yesterday.. and I only discovered it this morning. I'm damn upset for a few reasons:

- The wristlet was a limited edition and I bot it with my hard earned money some years back to reward myself upon project completion.

- I have a pen in it that has my name carved on it. Most importantly it was a 21st bday gift from someone special.

- There was a polaroid pic of elaine n me. Polaroid means there's no digital backup.


The above are reasons for my heartache. Cos these things carry sentimental values and are irreplaceable. They're gone forever now..

Dont really care abt the cash or the cards, or the IC, thou it's a hefty $300 to replace..

Heartache.. heartache.. heartache..
It's hard to get over the loss of anything u have emotional attachments on..



Today is also the day mum goes to operation. While i'm typing away now, doctors are battling with the massive tumour. I'm not sure what to think at this instance, but to keep crossing my fingers when the phone rings, it wont be bringing me bad news. Whatever it is, I jus dont wanna worry myself sick now. What will be, will be. Save the worries for later.

4:40 PM 0 comments

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Questions

I sat by mum's bedside in the hospital today, and got hit by waves of questions that constantly resound in my head. As I held her warm but lifeless hand, as I constantly tell her to be strong for now, hang in there for the operation.. Assuring her she'll be able to regain conscious after the op, be able to eat again, be able to witness the arrival of my little niece..

Frankly I cant even convince myself. At times I feel like I'm deceiving her.. Nobody knows for sure what the outcome of the op will be.

Earlier last wk, I tried hard to get a surgeon to perform the op for her. For better of worse, the op is her only chance to be with us for a longer period of time. It was only today, that I really question, if i'm making the best decision for her.

Kinda feel the pressure on me. What if, actually she didn't want to go through the op? Or what if, her physical condition does not improve? Doc is very confident of regaining her consciousness. What if by then, she's conscious, but she's still unable to get out of bed, unable to eat, unable to speak, unable to understand us, unable to recognise us..? Is there quality to a life like this? In fact it's gonna be worse if she's more conscious of the state of life she's living.

I can't help but worry about the negative stuff. Or maybe I'm trying to not allow myself be too hopeful of anything at all. When I found the surgeon who's willing to perform the op last wk, the 1st thing I wanna do is to tell my sis, my aunt and my best friends, to share this joy with me. But the other voice in me tells me not to be overly positive, or be prepared to be greatly disappointed shld anything happen..

I'm not really sure what to think. I'm worried being positive and hopeful about the situation will end up hurting myself more. How confusing..

1:13 AM 0 comments


Disclaimer :

This is my personal blog, for sharing interesting photos, pretty designs and even juicy gossips with my friends. This is also my ranting space. I scream and shout anything and everything.

This blog is also open to public.
But as mommy has taught us, don't believe every word strangers say.

Anyone is free to read and comment. It's great if u like what u see. It's just too bad if you don't, since opinion is subjective.

I thank you for dropping by anyway.